Our bodies have neutral zones as well as zones which are very sensitive; the latter are called erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are special places where if touched produced a very unique sensation. I am not talking about the so called arbitrary zones but rather of zones which have a greater concentration of nerve endings, zones which respond intensely to adequate stimulation; its nerve endings provides them with a special sensitivity. For example: The tip of a woman’s nipples or the clitoris or if a male the penis or the so called sacred spot; which is the male’s prostate. For some men their nipples are also very sensitive; all of the above fit into the obvious description of erogenous zones.
With that said, not all stimulation of a woman’s nipples will be pleasant. This can be due to various factors, some which can be as simple as having missed the right spot by millimetres, too much pressure, or simply the female’s nipples have never been awaken.
Aside from the common erogenous zones already mentioned in both genders, each individual’s unique history comes into place. Speaking strictly of the physical, a loving partner should explore the body of his/her beloved gently and slowly in order to discover what other areas are packed with more nerve endings than the rest. Sometimes your partner may not even be aware of what they may like or where you can find their erogenous zones; Tantra considers those zones “sleeping zones”, meaning they are dormant and waiting to be awaken by someone who has the patience and the desire to enrich and explore a more fulfilling sexuality. This may seem like a very boring concept; specially for men; however it is very important to keep in mind that after the zones are awakened, the intensity of your partner’s love making will certainly rise.
Our skin maintains a clear “log” of every touch we have received during our lifetime. It remembers the good feelings of those who loved us and the negative feelings if trauma was encountered. If you take the time to learn your lover’s body map, then you can reawaken the zones which remind the body of good feelings and avoid those or heal (depending of comfort level and experience) the zones which have a negative cognitation. If you reawaken your lover’s spots where his or her body remembers feeling pleasant touch, then you are able to once again contribute to your partner feeling loved and safe. This process can and should be mutual.
We all have good and bad memories which are store in our “log”, many times we are unaware that we do yet we carry it with us everywhere. We carry our own personalized map of good and bad memories, of zones awakened and zones waiting to be healed or discovered, so the map is not really complete until we have explored all of it. To find those spots and to continue creating the map of your lover requires of your ability to be open, willing, patient and most importantly to let your imagination run wild (without ever becoming intrusive). It also requires the great ability to be in the moment; present, otherwise you may miss your partner’s reaction , hence missing zones that may pleasurable or becoming intrusive on zones which may be considered negative.
If you are looking for a feverish intense response, keep in mind that may not be what you get back. You may have experienced a very intense time with a lover yet when being touched by someone else at that exact spot nothing happens. You may be left wondering how you went from feeling your body at a time react like a volcano ready to erupt to not feeling the same level of intensity. First it is important to remember that not everyday will you be able to reach such high ecstasy; it is a gift; also not all partners are the same. Not all of them may know how to awaken those parts of you even when mimicking the touch, why? Many reasons, it could be that your partner is being too mechanical, your sexual life has become routine, your encounters lack imagination and passion; more importantly it may be your level of connection with that person may not be the same. It may be you are afraid to let go as you would have with the other person. There might be two possible reasons for this… you don’t have as much trust developed, you don’t feel safe (this is usually what happens with women), or you may like the person so much you may be afraid to be judged or to frighten that person with your intensity, so you hold back.
To start finding your lost sensations or lost erogenous zones you don’t have to start at any specific point. It can be started at any part of your body, there is no definite, it’s really up for grabs. You could start at the feet, eyelashes, arms, legs, inner thighs, neck, hair; the whole body becomes unexplored territory ready to be discovered.
In reality our whole skin is our biggest ally. It is all packed with nerve endings; its our great sexual organ which can be used to access closer encounters with our loved one. You may be shocked to learn that part of our conditioning has to do a lot with our way of responding when our skin is touched.
At the beginning of our lives we tend to have pure, free, skin contact with our mother; our skin remembers nurturing so it seeks it constantly. Our skin has its own language, it is called “sensual tenderness”; which has tremendous healing powers. That is the main reasons why for many generations religions and occult dark beliefs condemn such touch, to the point of making it taboo and limiting sexual contact to only the genital area.
The contact and stimulation of the skin it’s one of the major components to sexual activity. Our skin not only feels when its touched but also perceives our unique language, our temperature, texture and vibrations which opens the gate to a wider spectrum of sexual sensations. Although we are not conscious of its happening, when two bodies are intertwined our smells, touch, compatibility of our skins (vibrations) determined the level of attraction or rejection we may feel for another.
There is no end to the existence of erogenous zones in every part of our bodies; with each person they follow a particular trend/path determined by the amount of nerve endings or the ability of the person providing touch but mostly determined by the memories stored within those zones. For example: A man gives his partner a hug, slowly caresses her back and shoulders; the act in itself is not erotic; however, it produces in her a sense of relaxation and allows her body to tune subconsciously into memories where she felt loved and safe. This in exchange produces a sense of warmth, blood flow and allows for erotic feelings to arise, feelings which were not originally there.
Of course it is not necessary to investigate each and all history of our bodies; no master can ever teach you a specific technique that works for everyone one; when it comes to touch one has to be willing to simply lovingly explore and discover what triggers those feelings store within the cellular memory.
I hope what I wrote left you feeling more at easy regarding your ability to touch someone; its is true that for some, I may have left you feeling a bit overwhelmed or insecure about your abilities, don’t over think it, the key lies on your hands which in Tantra are considered the “Skin’s Flower”. Your hands will guide you when you choose to present yourself willing to expose the deepest parts of you, when you become vulnerable, unprotected, trusting that your vulnerability will only bring the person you love closer to you and their ability to truly give themselves in its entirety.
There are parts of the body that ache to be discovered, if you pay attention and tune in your lover’s body will teach you where they are located!
Falcone Counseling Services 