In previous articles I have written about Tantra and its amazing benefits when healing sexual traumas. Tantra however is not only meant to be used when counselling survivors of sexual abuse, it is great for everyone who fully understands and desires a more fulfilling spiritual and sexual connection.
In this article I am going to focus more on the lighter side of Tantra. Many of you by now know or may have heard about Tantra and the incredible orgasms couples may achieve when using various of its techniques, such as massage, meditation, physical awakening, mental awareness, postures, etc. All of them leading to hours of sweet, loving, exciting pleasure.
The secret to Tantric sexuality lies in a number of techniques which are used to prolong sexual ecstasy and improve levels of satisfaction. Tantra believes in order to naturally reach the peak of sexual arousal, the focus should not be on you (how you perform or how fit you see yourself) neither should it be on your partner. The natural connection between you and your partner is reached during intimacy (not sexuality) which is why sex for the sake of sex (without intimacy) is not recommended by any real Tantric practitioner.
Tantra invites you and your partner to make your most inner sexual desires the center of your attention; within the safety of your relationship. It invites you to leave shame and any misguided preconceptions of what acceptable sexuality is, and to experiment with all the pleasures your body offers, which are enhanced by the level of connection you and your partner share.
You are invited to look through my articles and read some of my older pieces in which I have written about Tantra and intimacy before approaching Tantric sex; today I am solely focusing on its sexual aspect. If you are one of the many who dreams with an exciting sexual experience, more meaningful and lasting, then here are just a few simple techniques/practices which I recommend everyone to incorporate into their sexual life.
1) ALWAY MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT WITH YOUR PARTNER…
We have been conditioned to see sexuality in various distorted ways (something taboo, something to be exploited, dirty, secretive, etc) as a result many people experience light to heavy feelings of shame or emptiness. DO NOT BE ASHAMED! As long as you are not abusing yourself or others, your body is yours to explore and to share with the one you love.
Looking at your partner while laying can lead to intense sexual experiences. One of the quickest way to increase your sexual pleasure is to look at your partner in the eyes. Just relax but also try to decipher (without overanalyzing) what he/she feels and capture every detail that makes your partner special.
At first you may feel awkward, shy and you might even laugh. These reactions are natural since we are not used to letting anyone into the deepest parts of our soul. Little by little you will get accustomed to concentrating on your thoughts about deciphering what your partner is feeling and soon enough you will feel at ease with this new and satisfying experience. It is always recommended to do this before you start any sort of sexual exploration, however it is most recommended to do this just before and during orgasm. This does not mean you always have to be using the missionary position, there are many positions out there which are wonderfully arousing, satisfying and which allow for eye contact. Eye contact when connected makes the experience deeply satisfying; not just sensual but magical.
2) BECOME AWARE OF EVERY INCH OF YOUR SKIN…
One of Tantra’s most important points is to explore the sensuality of your partner through play and caresses. Tantric sexuality focusses a lot in feeling and enjoying your partner’s touch, which is often the key to reaching a deep orgasm. To do this you must be aware of your partner’s erotic zones, more importantly you have to be clear about your own intention. Tell your partner what about him/her you find arousing, and what is special about them. Do this as you caress your partner’s erogenous areas (which are many…not just the genital areas). Use a gentle whispering tone of voice. When your partner is caressing you let him/her know what feels good.
3) BECOME AWARE OF ALL YOUR SENSES…
Tantra not only improves the physical part of your relationship; above all it pushes us to deeper sensory and emotional experiences. When you are connecting with your partner try to engage all of your senses. What you listen to is important (your partner’s words/moans, music). Focus on what your eyes are observing (your partner and your surroundings). Taste, touch smell; all of these become important. It is important for you and your partner to explore and become aware of all the sensations you are creating within each other and the natural way in which your senses react. It is necessary to create a relax, intimate atmosphere to achieve another level of sexual experience. A simple yet great way to do this is by blindfolding your partner. Blindfolding opens a wide range of possibilities to stimulate the rest of the senses. You can also play with scented body oils ( cinnamon and vanilla are aphrodisiacs), set up sensual background music (make sure is not something too overpowering). To further enhance the experience you may wish to introduce some food (chocolate, whipped cream, strawberries)
4) EXPERIENCE A WHOLE BODY ORGASM…
An orgasm with all your body? Sounds crazy but there is a way to get all parts of your body excited. One of the ways to practice this kind of orgasm is to practice building the erotic energy that keeps you near climax and then letting it fade away little by little. You must do this several times and use your breathing and the power of your impulses to spread the energy throughout your entire body. You can play with this as long as you want. It takes mastery to last a long time, most people can only last a few times before the sensations overtake them; however practice makes it better! You can keep your partner close to an orgasm using your words, slow movements and rhythmic breathing; you will feel strong and pleasant contractions throughout your body.
5) RELAX…AND ENJOY THE RIDE….
Tantric sex is a way to reach orgasm in the best possible way. In fact the whole experience requires focus on the journey instead of the destination in order to achieve a higher level of satisfaction within your relationship.
Sometimes we focus too much on achieving an orgasm and we neglect the fun and pleasure which sexual intimacy involves. Ultimately enjoying the journey is what makes the destination more plausible. If you are always focusing on achieving orgasm, chances are you and your partner will end up bored and doing the same old things. Stop focusing on the orgasm and think what else about sex excites and amuses you. The key to enjoying the ride and stop focusing on the end result, is to remind yourself why you love sex and all the various things you would like to experience/try. Focus on these desires and experiment with other parts aside intercourse which makes sex enjoyable to you, such as kissing, oral sex, etc.
Remember to put some thought on the music which you will have playing in the background, it does make a great difference when starting to experiment with Tantra. As you start to discover all areas of Tantra, music will not play such a strong role; this takes time, so just relax…
If you cannot enjoy 100% Tantric sex (takes lots of practice) start innovating with your partner in different ways; perhaps simply by trying some of the many great postures the Kamasutra has to offer. Keep in mind however that different positions alone can only get you so far without building a connection. Keep building intimacy and keep trying new things, the rest will come naturally.