Eroticism: Key to a healthy sensual sexuality.

Although sensuality is often associated with sexuality, it is more closely related with the level of mental, physical, and sexual eroticism we carry inside.  Often our discontent with our body image or the level of psychological stress we are exposed to, prevents us from relating to our bodies in a positive manner.  Lack of being able to relate positively is a major component for why we at times may feel non-sensual, non-erotic, non accepting.  Sensualizing and erotising ourselves empowers us as men and women, therefore we cannot let such powerful energy exit away from our every day lives; it is one of nature’s greatest gifts and should be our natural state of being.

Many people have experienced frustration of their own or their partner’s lack of sexual desire; this is part of life and happens even to the most adept lover.  Who of us has not ever blushed at the magical feelings we experience resulting from our erotic thoughts? How many of us whether mentally or physically refused to buy a sex toy? How many people refuse to look at each curve of their body and its intimate areas without feeling uneasy or ashamed?– It happens to millions of people everyday and it is perfectly natural to experience some of these emotions, what is not natural is to accept them as the norm; we can stop such negative outlook of our own sensuality and sexuality by being willing to recover the eroticism which so rightfully belongs to us.  Let’s us see what we can do to recover our erotic power which so many of us have lost or worst yet may not have ever cultivated….

  1. Consciously decide to feel sexy and to be sexual… Feeling attractive has little to do with our appearance and everything to do with our inner work; therefore if through our internal dialogue we try to always say to ourselves things such as ” I am irresistible” we are rewiring our brain by giving clues to our mind in order to change any negative perspective we may have about ourselves.  Of course this exercise does not work if one lacks the conviction necessary to drive the point home.  Sexual scientists have come the conclusion that when a person knows how to arouse himself by simply feeling attractive, that person sends a signal that changes how others perceive him, as a result being capable of attracting something different.  Simple things like wearing more lingerie (for women)–sexy underwear/cologne (for men)– reading tantric books, reading classy well written erotic novels (not trashy ones as they can actually damage your mind, spirit and how you perceive yourself and others)–taking sensual baths, covering your body with sensual oils, relaxing or tantric massages with your partner– all can help a person feel more attractive and sexy.  You may think it hard to incorporate the above into your daily routine… work, raisings kids and many other responsibilities have to be taken into account.  It isn’t easy but it does not have to be hard, its a matter of choice.  Do you want to continue feeling burned, unsexy, depressed or do you want to spent some time and energy on doing things which ultimately will be beneficial to your mental and physical health, not to mention will benefit your relationship.
  2. Focus on sensuality…In our society selling cheap sexuality has become a priority, however very few people understand the power of sensuality, how it affects sexuality and how to properly think and approach it.  We have become “Johns”… “Onlookers” more than actual real participants.  Present technology does nothing to help the problem, more and more people are losing the ability to communicate face to face yet spend countless hours online trying to “connect” with strangers.  Instead of simply watching, why not  build a healthy sensuality in order to achieve a healthy sexuality with real people?  The more we can think about sexuality from a sensual point of view, the more we will learn how to get deeply excited in a healthy yet passionate way.  Spend more time caressing your skin, experiment with more or less pressure, examine your body with a mirror, caress your body (all parts of it) and discover what is most pleasing to you.  We have hundredths of erogenous zones, that is why its important we explore and experiment with our bodies.  We cannot have someone else excite us if we ourselves don’t know what excites us.  Its time we take responsibility for the health of our sensuality/sexuality.  If we want our eroticism, our sensuality and sexuality to improve, we need to learn to spend more time thinking about it, but doing so needs to come from a erotic yet healthy point of view.
  3. Feeling healthy is key… Feeling healthy is extremely important.  This doesn’t mean you have to become a gym junkie; any extreme is bad for you.  To feel healthy one simply has to spend 20 minutes/3 times a week working out; this helps our sexual state to be optimized.  Doing this helps us achieve a good level of blood supply which awakens our pelvis and other erogenous zones.  Kegel exercises are well recommended.
  4. Consciously increase your capacity for pleasure… We are more capable of feeling and giving pleasure than we have been lead to believe.  Tantric discipline and philosophy teaches us how to reprogram our nervous system to intensify and prolong orgasmic pleasure.   To master such techniques requires dedication, commitment and time but it’s all compensated by giving you greater sexual enjoyment on an emotional and physical level.
  5. Help your partner to become a better lover… No one is born knowing how to be a good lover.  That is why when it comes to the arts of sensuality and sexuality it is important to learn to be more “showy” with our partners, less inhibited.   Orgasm does not have to be the last objective, you can have deep talks, kiss…all with the intention of enhancing the sexual sensuality within the couple.
  6. Be creative… Trying new things helps us get out of our routine and enhances our imagination.  To be able to expand our ideas and to engage in sexual games and practices is very stimulating and a great aphrodisiac.  Learn to see yourself as a treasure box, full of surprises.  It is worthwhile to learn to cultivate the ability to eroticize our lives. 
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By Sofia Falcone

I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges, victories, hopes and learnings, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves!

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