Too many people live clinging to the past or allowing others to compare them to the person they used to be; being criticized and judged because they have changed and no longer meet previous expectations. We forget life is like a river, constantly flowing, constantly changing, and we are part of that flow. No matter what, we are never the same person we were a second ago. When the past is constantly being an active part of our present thinking or we allow people to try to change us back to whom we used to be, we can end up feeling overwhelmed, tired and frustrated; the frustration can be such that we end up constantly suffering. It is unhealthy to continuously be thinking about the past or to give room to others to constantly try to bully us into apologizing for our past; just as damaging as letting people bully us into becoming who we used to be so they feel more comfortable.
Just like others have the right to live their life in a way they best see fit, so do you. The measure of your life is not based on what others think about you but on how you feel about yourself. Other’s opinions of yourself are simply a projection/reflection of their own thinking. Their opinions at the end of the day has nothing to do with you because no one knows exactly who you are, how you feel, and why you act/acted the way you do/did.
Some people are good at making assumptions and formulating hypothesis without knowing all the facts, yet they seek to impose their idea of how things should be. How can one counsel on something when all the facts are obscured? ultimately no one has the right to give counsel without your explicit permission.
For those of you who are choosing to live in the past; constantly obsessing and thinking about it; please remember life is a cycle in which one is always moving forward, therefore you cannot go back to the past to change mistakes you may have committed, words you may have used. Mistakes are only mistakes if you did not learn from them; choose to look at them differently, now you can do better and react differently to situations similar to the ones in the past.
We can choose more than one path in life; many times our paths will change seemingly without us thinking about it, that is life. Life is wisdom, always putting us in situations to face the unhealed parts of ourselves and pushing towards growth. The one thing you can not do is go back to the past, hence thinking about it’s not healthy; it hinders you from living life to the fullest and may get to such an unhealthy place as to expose vindictive, non respectful behavior towards others because you cannot accept events which unfolded in your past.
It is important to accept all which happened in our lives is what has contributed to who we are today. If you are not moving forward in life is because you are choosing to live in the past, living in the past can cause people to live fake lives, become bitter or worst… a person may go as far as becoming so hateful towards others as to try to inflict conflict and pain on whomever they “think” is responsible for their own inability to move forward.
When you choose not to accept life as it unfolds, you rob yourself of new REAL experiences and emotions. To live pretending you are focus on the present can be so toxic towards yourself (putting on a mask) or others ( trying to cause trouble in other people’s lives). Your present will never be as good as the ideas you carry within your head when you choose to deny the past yet are obsessed with it. The present is real, not imaginative; the past is gone and it happened exactly as it was meant to happen.
The worst thing in life is to live your present remembering a past which has no future. If it had a future then it would not be your past it would be your present. The past is something you should only look at in order to learn from it; it carries so much wisdom within it. Again here comes the ability to learn not to live in extremes; some people like to claim they never look at their past because they keep moving forward, these people usually like to advise others never to look back, most of the time they are people who have not dealt with nor want to deal with their past. You can’t pretend your past did not exist, to do this is to avoid growth. Others life constantly looking at their past…stuck. Picture your past behind you, once in a while you can look back over your shoulder to draw the lessons, after that keep looking forward, your whole life awaits you!
Change starts today…If there are changes you need to make, if there are things you need to improve, today is the day to do them. It’s time for you to change for the better hence take a look at your mistakes as lessons. We think of mistakes as negative when mistakes are something we all inevitably make. Without error there is no learning, without learning there is no success.
Take all the things you did not like about yourself, all the words which hurt you or words you uttered which hurt others… take all the mistakes you made and seek for the lessons in them, that way you will not become bitter. A bitter person is not someone whom necessarily walks angry; there are bitter people who mascaraed their bitterness with a smile while their actions behind close curtains are something else. If you don’t want to end up bitter, perpetually chasing after those you feel deserve to pay, trying to impose your judgement on them, you need to start looking at things in your life differently.
If instead you are feeling judged by people who wish to force you into an old paradigm of living… walk away. You don’t have to keep fighting with people who simply wish to mold you into something you are not. People can offer advise (with your consent), if you can see their advise will help you become a better person, you may choose to take it, if not simply put all those comments and attitudes into a small mental box, analyze them if needed and then mentally expulse the box away from you–from that moment on you will not stumble onto the same rock!. YOU are YOU; don’t ever let anyone turn you into someone less than whom you wish to be.
Don’t impose on others and don’t let others try to impose on you. Life is about communication; communication cannot transpire where there are half truths, manipulation of facts, imposing of values or when values keep constantly changing according to what fits someone else’s needs instead of meeting your needs to grow as a soul. Communication is key and communication is open and clear. Some people you will resonate with, some you will not. It does not necessarily mean others are bad; they are in their own journey; the important part is to be aware of your own journey and your own needs.
Now is the time to keep walking. You have already analyzed your past, you have already seen what you did wrong, you have already identified what hurt you, now its time to keep moving forward. Your demons/monsters are in the past and you have already identified the lessons you needed to learn, now leave the past there. If you let go of the past and keep walking, little by little you will regain the confidence which you taught was lost, you will meet new people who resonate with you and who will positively contribute to your life. In other words, you will give life a chance to fill you with new/better experiences and joy.
For those of you who are still living in the past….can’t you see to continue to live like that is to refuse to live in the present? Release the past because it’s hurting you, or you may be hurting others in an effort to prove yourself right. Don’t prevent yourself from living in the present and reaching happiness.
You deserve a life without bitterness. Time is ephemeral and it passes, therefore give it the attention it deserves. Learn from your past and step firmly towards your future while enjoying the present which way too often passes by so quickly. Take care of your present because that is where you will live the rest of your life….
“Learn from the past, prepare for the future but live in the present”
Sofia you are one of the most talented writers I have come across in a long time. Writing is not all about proper grammar, is about passion, feeling, knowledge. I noticed on your Facebook page a posting “I write sentimental algebra”, young lady you got that right!. Keep going, we need more people like you. You are deep and beautiful inside and out. I read your life story “healing within a relationship”, you certainly have a very complex mind and soul. It’s not easy being different but you are in good company, our greatest minds were always the most misunderstood.