For much of our time we go around wondering if what happens in our lives is fair or not; I invite you to read this article and then take the time to stop and analyze your life from the perspectives I am about to present to you. It is my hope this article will help you feel reconnected with your core or at least willing to take a peek at the layers beneath the surface of what may seem obvious in your life.
- Every person in your life at any given time has been the “right” person for your situation- No one comes into our lives by chance, every person who surrounds and interacts with us has a purpose. They are there for a reason. Many of our romantic relationships may have ended up dissolving and you or they may wonder why. That is because Not every person who enters your life; whether for a short or long period of time; was meant to stay, each relationship was preparing you for the next, each interaction carried within a lesson. As we evolve so do our relationships whether romantic, filial or otherwise. Over the course of my life, I have become more and more convinced that each person in our lives is a teacher; some are there to help us evolve others to helps us recognize the parts of us which need work and which we may refuse to face. Many relationships become stagnant due to either the lesson having been imparted; there was nothing else left to teach/learn; or because one or both parties refused to grow and accept life was calling them in different directions. Many people refuse to see life’s perfect plan and choose to condemn or resent those who choose to end a relationship which has become destructive, fake or stagnant. Many confuse real spirituality as something which means staying without evolvement of self for the sake of maintaining a contract. Reality is there are no contracts as we belong to no one but life itself. No loving God/Universe would force two people to stay together at the expense of their mind and soul degrading. Such concepts are human concepts imposed on us by those whose only agenda was and is to control us under a false pretense of loyalty and guilt; a place where real growth doesn’t happen and happiness has no place. Too many people live worrying about what others will say if a relationship ends, without realizing any type of relationship whether romantic, filial, friendships, work, etc.; based on reputation and the giving up of one’s own growth isn’t a healthy one. All our relationships carry a lesson within, some for a time others for a life time. Sometimes we play the role of a teacher, other times we play the role of the student. Until the lesson is learned, absorbed and accepted, life will not let us graduate from it. Other times life brings people into our lives who will challenge us yet bring hope. People who show us the path we may be following may not be the correct one for our own growth. Life gives us the opportunity to learn from each person we interact with, the key is to learn to identify what the lesson is. This doesn’t mean one has to live on the alert, it means learn to “consciously” flow with life, not against it. Everything in this life adds up; the good and the bad; it is for us to learn to discover what good things can we take from each lesson, specially the ones where others may have brought so much stress, pain, and frustration. In such cases maybe life was trying to simply teach us to say “no”; to set boundaries in order to respect and protect ourselves and our growth.
- What happens at any given time is exactly what was meant to happen.- Nothing which happens in our lives could have been differently. It is a waste of time to live regretting the choices one made or to hate the events which transpired causing us pain. I am in no way saying one should go in denial and pretend to be okay; any wound needs cleansing and healing; but these two things cannot happen if we remain focused on how things could have been differently. In order to change our reality we must fist learn to accept the reality of the events as they were. We need to stop telling ourselves “If only I had done this”, “If only he/she had done that”…that type of thinking is non productive. Things happen as life saw them fit to happen. If we believe in an all powerful God/Universe then how ridiculous it is to think that someone simply outsmarted or imposed their will. We may not always understand why something happened until much later, yet if we stop to take a long look at our lives, we will come to understand that all which happened had to happen for a reason. It is hard to understand that reason until all aspects of life’s “plan” have been presented. Whenever we choose a path, it is important to remember it will either take us exactly where we need to go or it will take us to a place where we can learn that which our mind and ego need for evolvement. We only have one conscious life, therefore instead of regretting life let’s start training ourselves to accept all which has transpired did occur in the way it was meant to. The only thing we can change is the present which is the one thing that will affect our future. It is within us to learn not to make the same mistake twice. When something doesn’t go the way we planned let’s learn to be grateful because it’s life’s way of pushing us towards our own growth and healing; perhaps in areas which we may not even be aware of, until the process is finalized. Instead of asking ourselves why it happened, let’s learn to ask ourselves what is life trying to teach us. It isn’t easy, it takes work and courage to face that within us which we may be running away from, but the outcome when we face our lives as they have unfolded is so much brighter. Let me reiterate that accepting reality as it is, isn’t the same as acting positive and cheery without having faced the things we need to face; that isn’t growth, that is denial. Denial is never good for the soul; accepting life as it happened requires conscious work, in order to heal and grow as human beings.
- All things start at the right time.- Everything in life starts at the perfect time for our soul. When our soul is ready for something new to start, then life will make it happen. This law makes it very clear all things which happened to us by our actions or that of others helped us towards growth. It is only when we have identify the lesson and integrated its benefits that something new is brought into our lives. When we make a conscious effort to work on ourselves from a genuine place in our hearts, then life, God, the Universe surprises us with new experiences. As we evolve we start to attract new experiences, people, situations which are also more evolved than our previous experiences; its called resonance. If something has not yet manifested in our lives, it isn’t because we are undeserving, it is because we are yet to learn whatever life is trying to teach us. Everything in life is a series of steps, grades. Nothing is as we think it should have been or will be; all is as it should be. Life will always give us more than we expected so long as we are trying our best to work on ourselves from a genuine place in our hearts.
- When something ends, it ends.- It is simply put but it reflects accurately how it is. If something ended it is for our own evolution. It is best to learn to keep moving forward, more fulfilled and with more knowledge based on previous experience. It is that simple, there is no reason to try to over analyze it. If something ended, it ended; turn the page and start writing your next chapter. Why hurt ourselves or others because we need something or someone to blame rather than learning to accept all happens as it is meant to happen?… that is real faith. We need to keep moving forward and not falling into the trap of self blame or blaming others. We need to learn to only stop to look at what was our part in it, what was it that we were responsible for, learning from it so as to not do it again. When we go around blaming someone else for the ending of something we fall into our own ego’s delusion that we are perfect and there was nothing we were responsible for; it is an arrogant way to tell life that we know better. Beauty lies not within misconceived “perfection” rather within the recognizing and transcending of our own imperfections. Let’s learn to ask ourselves what is it that we want in our lives, and what we need to do to achieve it. Let’s learn to focus to work on ourselves towards that which we want and life will help manifest it. I speak from experience when I say it is easy to focus on the negative, to get trapped by our own fears and angers. It takes work to learn to focus on the here and now, to learn to look at the past with detachment, only to see what was needed to learn in order not to make the same mistake again or in order not to let others violate our space. I personally can tell you the work is heavier the more traumas one has endured or the more repercussions for previous actions one needs to face, but it is worth it. There will be days; specially when dealing with traumas; when one may feel all progress was lost, but I am telling you no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much the pain may push you to doubt your progress, keep going, don’t stop….even if your mind says all your work was for nothing. Even when the pain brings you to your knees…let it flush through you, don’t fight it, accept that a part of you is hurting and is trying to heal but the ego/mind fights it. Cry if you need to, then breathe, pick yourself up and put one foot in front of the other, without giving up on your self work. When the wave passes you will look back and see the trick your mind was playing on you, trying to keep you chained to that which was the only thing it knew; trying to keep you from discovering something new out of fear of what may be…I promise you, if you don’t let go of your self work and you learn not to blame yourself for almost believing your wounds, YOU will get further and further ahead towards your own healing and a new way of looking at life. A life not based on denial but based on reality, your reality…which is whatever you choose to make it.