Four Easy Steps Towards Reclaiming Your Self Love And Self Esteem

After recently writing about a Poem by Charles Chaplin on Self Love and Self Respect, I decided it was time to write about how to start reclaiming our own self love and self-esteem.

You may wonder why I chose the word “Reclaiming” instead of simply naming this article “Four Easy Steps Towards Self Love and Self Esteem”.  The reason why it is important for me to use the word “Reclaiming” is due to the fact that I believe many of us have experienced Self Love and Self Esteem, but due to life events or our own mistakes we stopped loving and caring for ourselves, hence the word reclaiming.  

Self-Love and Self Esteem otherwise known as Self Respect are not attributes, they are not add-ons but part of who we are.  As such, whether at one point you experienced love and a healthy self-esteem or whether you never did; you now have the choice to reclaim these aspects which are rightfully yours to have, for it was life who gave them to you. 

When we were born, we were not born without these; it is through our early experiences in life, when either of these character traits were fortified or we lost them.   At one point or another YOU knew how to love yourself, even if it was so long ago you can’t even remember it.  At one point in your life, you saw yourself and your surroundings with wonder; you knew what you wanted and what you liked.  At one point in your life, you were fearless, yet something happened which hinder the growth of these character traits.

It may have been your own caregivers; it may have been society in general who taught you to believe that you should not trust your judgement.  They taught you to give up on what was healthy self-love in exchange for the over misunderstood, overvalued “self-sacrifice”; teaching you that in order to be good, first you had to be good to your neighbor.

They forgot to teach us that our first love should be us. Only when we truly love ourselves and our spirits are full, can we give to others out of the fountain found within our own spirit. And when we are full, what we give is not sacrifice, is love. 

In the process of molding us, they forgot to teach us we are worthy of being heard even if our opinions were not to be the ones followed.  They forgot they were dealing with pure raw energy and power in child form; castrating our minds and our spirits for the sake of a society which thrives on guilt and self-sacrifice.   We were subjugated to a society which erroneously asks us to give our power to the so called more knowledgeable leaders who don’t even know who we really are.  They forgot to teach us the difference between a guide and a controller.

How much further would we be if they actually would have let us blossom…protecting us when we needed shelter and protection from the abuse of others, teaching us the difference between self-entitlement vs self-love appropriately. 

How much further ahead would we be as human beings and as a society if we had been taught not only mechanical disciplines based on false rewards systems; but also, had spent time teaching us to become introspective, to meditate, to see all disciplines as a whole vs seeing them as separate branches.  More importantly how much further would we be if they actually taught us, we were powerful not powerless; teaching us that one man/woman CAN change the world, but it starts with believing and working first on yourself.

I believe if our society taught us more to value our inner power to create, we would make healthier choices.  It is only natural if you were taught you were precious; based on who you are and your own developing of your gifts; not based on overprotection and over giving; then you would treat yourself as the precious being that you are.  We would not go around looking for ways to self-destruct, to inflict pain to our souls because we feel so unworthy that we need to tolerate and seek punishment in order to make some sense of our unhealthy unfulfilling lives.  Neither would we locked ourselves in cages of self-righteousness and false virtue.  Instead, whatever choices we were to make, would be based on the purity of our heart, in alignment with our spirit, regardless of how others perceive it–for it is the motivation behind the action that makes a difference.

If we saw ourselves as precious, we would respect others way of living and thinking without feeling threatened because we ourselves would feel satisfied and respected.  If we saw ourselves as precious, we would NOT seek drugs, pornography, alcohol, empty sex based on superficial interactions, vengeance–all these in an attempt to band aid the pain within ourselves; we would recognize within us lies the answers to our problems.  Instead, we would create life, we would give in to beautiful moments that are real and fulfilling; wild, free, sensuous, magickal; all without being destructive but productive. 

If we saw ourselves as worthy, we would not be afraid of our shadow, rather we would embrace it as one embraces a best friend who is there to give you what you need not just what you want–all so you may continue discovering more of your inner power.

Respect is the basis of love, and love is the basis of self-esteem. In order to first raise you your self-esteem, you need to first respect yourself without falling prey to boxes meant to cage your spirit. 

People who do not respect themselves tend to seek to self-destruct because they are hurting.  If they can learn to promote true respect for themselves and real freedom, they could bring about great changes in their lives.

If you can learn to respect yourself even a little more, becoming more genuine, learning to say what you mean and not what you think others want to hear; then your self-esteem will grow in an amazing way. It would not hurt any of us to work on improving our level of sincerity and responsibility.

How to foster self-love and self-respect:
Be Honest with Yourself….Learn to know and accept yourself. Recognize what you like, what you really want and what makes you feel bad. Do not tell lies, and do not try to pretend to be someone you are NOT even before your own eyes.
Do Your Work…. Even if you feel bad, DO NOT neglect your tasks or pending issues. Work on all of them, one at a time. This way you will feel more and more relieved, and you will begin to see yourself as someone responsible…

Fulfill All Your Promises… Integrity above all. Keep all the promises you make to others, unless there is a major reason stopping you from doing so.  Learn to take the time to weigh the promise you are about to make; don’t ever make a promise to someone out of a desire to get approval.  Above all, fulfill the promises you make to yourself first.

Accept That Only You Are Responsible for Your Life… Only you can make your life better. From now on decide to take control of your life. If you have dreams work towards them; let them become your greatest motivation. You will need constant work and effort, but if you stay motivated enough, YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH THEM…

These tips are key to learn to respect yourself… Make them part of your life. They are the first step necessary for you to raise your self-esteem…and if you already live with respect and free of unnecessary boundaries, being genuine no matter what others think, then remember you can use these tips to reaffirm your commitment to being the real YOU even more…


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By Sofia Falcone

I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges, victories, hopes and learnings, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves!

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