There are days when we get up and ask ourselves why our lives are the way they are, why we associate ourselves with people who can’t be honest with us, who don’t respect nor contribute to our growth as human beings. Many of us ask ourselves why every day we go to work at a job we are not passionate about or why in general we have not achieved the life we once dreamed; when we were young, full of passion, full of idealism…
All these questions can lead us to reflect on the series of choices we have made throughout our existence; perhaps they weren’t even our choices, perhaps they were someone else’s choices forced on us. Perhaps our path was chosen out of fear, out of lack of courage to live our own dreams. Perhaps we learned to believe the lies imposed on us about who we really are and where our true potential lies. Our lives aren’t over, each and every day we have a choice to make. Making the choice to grab hold of our dreams and achieve the life we dreamed of, requires courage, time and perseverance. It requires commitment and strength. The strength to give up old patterns of behavior, the strength to be willing to lose people who will no longer resonate with us, the strength to take on criticism, the strength to endure setbacks without giving into defeat; above all the strength to keep going and have real faith on our own abilities.
It may seem difficult to pinpoint where to start, but there are a series of questions we can ask ourselves to make sense of our lives and to help us figure out if we are living the life we always wanted….
- How Do You See Your Life Unfolding In 5 Years?….Take the time to think for a moment how your life will look in five years; will you find yourself in the same place you are now? Maybe the idea of such future makes you happy and you may feel there is nothing you would like to change about it; if that is the case and it works for you then keep doing what works. On the other hand maybe looking at your future brings regret and it’s something you can’t even begin to accept. The good news is you don’t have to; you have the power in you to change things. This exercise is meant to help you reflect on the life you now lead and the choices you will need to make in order to achieve the life you so much want.
- What Is The Most Important Thing In Your Life?…For a moment think about what is most important in your life; what makes you truly happy? Reflect whether or not “that” is something you currently have in your life. If not, then maybe the time has come to change something or to change everything.
- What Is The One Childhood Dream Which Meant A Lot To You, Yet You Have Not Achieved?…Growing up each of us had a dream which we imagined we would fulfill as adults. Often the answer to our lives lies hidden within our childhood dreams. It’s funny how back when we were kids, we used to know ourselves more; we used to be more in touch with our souls. What has stopped you from achieving that dream? Recognize you are not a helpless child anymore, you have the power and the authority to change your life. Think about what things you can do to gradually approach your childhood dream.
- Do You Live A Happy Life Which Pleases You Or Do You Live To Please Others?…If we think carefully about our lives, we may come to realize that we are living and choosing what makes others happy, not what makes us happy. It is not a matter of giving satisfaction to others but of making our souls happy. Our first responsibility is and should always be to ourselves; of course within a family, there should always be compromise. It is important to understand that those who truly love us, want to see us happy. Those who truly love us have the ability to distinguish between what they think could makes us happy and our right to live our lives in whatever way makes us really happy. As long as it contributes to our growth, they are happy to see us live our lives differently than they would have otherwise imagined it.
- What Would You Do Differently If You Didn’t Care So Much What Others Think Of You?...The opinion of other people is something many fear. Whenever considering changing something in your life, imagine nobody is going to judge you. What would you change then? Like the fear of what will happen if we change, we are afraid of what others think. Just like we may fear what will happen if we took the chance to make the changes necessary to reclaim our lives, others fear how people will judge them. Since little we are instructed to listen and obey. We are taught to do our duty rather than to follow our hearts, as such many people become used to being praised for being obedient while secretly harboring destructive feelings. Too many people live their life according to what is expected of them, not in congruency with their dreams or real beliefs. Who has more right to your life, YOU or some one outside of you? Imagine the crazy world we live in; if everyone is worry about what everyone thinks, who then is going to change your life?….Its your life; ONLY YOU can change it.
- Are You Holding Onto Something You Should Let Go?…We tend to cling to things or people we should really be letting go of. People who do not bring us anything good, people we have outgrown, people who hurt us or contribute to enable us when we hurt ourselves. People who don’t bring the best out in us but contribute to our degradation; all the while our soul screaming to evolve and change. Change isn’t easy and those who contribute to our growth won’t always be our “cup of tea”; they may piss us off, push our limits, challenge us on all we do, but overall we can feel ourselves growing as individuals towards a more congruent life. Those are the people we need to keep around. Life isn’t about keeping cheerleaders or enablers; they call it unconditional support, afraid to face the fact what it really is, is FEAR. Fear to face their own selves, their own unhappiness, fear to disappoint others, fear to learn to stand up. A real supportive individual is the one who encourages you when what your are doing is making you a more coherent human being; at the same time, that same individual has no fear to call you out on the things which are turning you into less of the best version of yourself. It is important to learn to let go; it will hurt but as time goes by, we realize the importance of letting go of the old to make room for the new.
- Are You Working On That Which Makes You Passionate?…Many times we complain about our work, our boss, our schedules, our co-workers, but we do nothing to change any of it. Once again we tend to do this out of fear; fear of the opinion of others. Rather than lose our “reputation” we tend to settle. We stop ourselves from taking the risk to live our lives to the fullest.
- What Are Your 3 Best Talents?…Sometimes we become so good at seeing all our shortcomings that we are unable to appreciate our talents. What is the best thing you do? What do you love? And the most important question: Do you dedicate yourself to it? These questions will make you recognize where your talents lay and why you don’t dedicate yourself to them?
- What Would You Do If You Had No Fear?...Fear is paralyzing and when it comes to leaving our comfort zone we invent any excuse to complain without doing anything to find solutions in order to change that which bothers us. Think about what would you do if you were not afraid, what would you dare to do; visualize how you would like to live and do it.
- If You Only Had One Month To Live, How Would You Live It?…We waste a lot of time on social networks, on our mobile phones or on television. Ask yourself whether or not you would do those things if you were told you had a month left to live. I am pretty certain if you were told you only had on month, you would leave most things behind and focus on things that make your spirit feel free. You would dedicate yourself to enjoying every second of the people you love, of the places you like, of every little detail that makes YOU happy. Why not start now? Why do you have to wait until doomsday to learn to value your own life? Make a list of all the things you would like to experience if you only had one month left to live in this planet and start tackling them now….Go AHEAD…LIVE
Falcone Counseling Services 