Beyond The Fog Within…

Like a dense fog this pain prevents me from seeing beyond
Pain which touches even the deepest parts of me
Yet my soul remembers the warmth of moments which felt like spring

Where are the days without rain?
Without pain? 
Without sorrow?

Like a thief in the night, depression steals life’s sweets moments
Like a puzzling riddle it tortures my soul 
Memories hidden from so long ago

How can I face them when I feel broken by their very shadow?
How will my mind survive if I have to see their horror?
Like a roaring tornado thoughts rush in one after another
Where will I find the sweet peace of beautiful silence?
Between which hemisphere of shadows lies the unlocking key?

Like David and Goliath, the brutal wrestling match goes on
Unable to make peace with these century old demons
Demons who promise to save me if only I take their hand
I take a good look at them, before I feel crushed one more time

Oh, what horror to know the reality behind the masks
They are not demons
They are my broken parts
Still bleeding or forgotten
Forcing me to look back at the brutality imposed by sinful acts!

I resist the immense pain, holding onto my sanity
Remembering those I love and the value of their kindness
To my thirsty battered soul, they are fresh water

Where does this cycle of torture stop before I can breathe again?
My battered wings awaiting to take flight one more time
What mixture of heroism am I to use this time?

Like a sorcerer who has lost her footing
Quickly the right potion I seek to find
Maybe after this last dark night of the soul all will done
Maybe all this battling and trying is for nothing
Other foggy days are yet to come
Promising relief when all is said and done

Will I see the light again?
Or will the dark nebula devour me?
Will I be consumed by its haunting fires?

Will I ever see again the sweet rains of hope?
Will I stand one more time
Or will there be no coming back?

Will I be able to beat the feelings of hatred and revenge?
Feelings which aimed to take hold of my soul
As they try to possess me, they threaten my reality
Like a monstrous wounded dragon, they rise from deep inside
The battle is on, one more time

I can hear the beating of the drums
The clasping of the mental swords
My mind is but a cave with many places to hide
In what miserable place did I lose myself this time?

Against what cold wall will I find my core?
Her little arms wrapped around her legs pleading “please no more”
How can I make her see that it is safe to come to me?
My own will has been shaken
Afraid I will not make it out this time
Yet I aim to protect her “come to me little one”

Life may be a winter of false hopes
Others freely hurt us thinking we are strong
A fallen cry without sleep 
They have deceived us many times
Promises like barren autumn trees
So much pain, I can’t help but cry

Within the stretched network of cravings
The inner child lost once again
Maybe you are just that, a semblance
Elusive and benevolent

I love the innocence you carry inside
Goddess
Woman
Mother
Child

You are holy water to my damned soul
You are the light when I am blind
You and I are one 
Let me hold you one more time

You need my fury and strength
I need your innocence and magick
I can’t promise you a happy ending to life
But together we shall dance
For depression is not the enemy, 
It is a friend in disguise

Helping us to face that which hurts
That from which we hide
Hoping to reunite us until we rise
Like a phoenix from the ashes
We will soar high in the skies
There once more we shall see the light

Sofia E. Falcone