Vindicating Sensuality & Sexuality

For centuries various religious institutions or patriarchal moral dogmas have diminished the beauty and power of sexuality, reducing it to pornographic animal lust or for reproduction alone; in other words, when it comes to sexuality stagnant dogmas have reduced human beings to basic animals– they are either to exploit themselves and others or they feel the pressure to reproduce because it is expected vs. desiring it.

Sexuality involves more than just the goal of another mediocre orgasm or the gestation of another human being; to bring a child to the world is something precious and a great responsibility, which should not be dictated by dogma. Old patriarchal dogmas and false rebellion (those who think by abusing their bodies are honoring the Goddess within and sticking it to the old dogma) have done nothing but take the mind and spirit of people from one extreme to another. On the one hand there is no proper sexual education being implemented (just basic biology), on the other hand pornographic images are promoted as if they were sensual/sexual liberation yet such images are anything but sensual, and teach very little about our own sexuality. Sensual art and poetry are censored and attacked while pornographic content and attitudes are encouraged. Photography and Cinema have also been affected, where a natural loving union is seldom shown or appreciated, while raunchy content is exposed constantly as the norm. In this yo-yo of society, we are not the only ones paying the price but our future generations as well; their ability to connect with sensuality, romance, love, is being stripped out of them.

With such distorted views, it is no wonder new generations no longer know what is healthy and what is not, as they often have to attached these to “Good” or “Bad” and those seem to be determined by whichever extreme rules their environment the most. The loss of what romance really implies, the disconnection from erotic yet pure sensuality and the lack of knowledge of the art of intimate yet passionate love making, have led to only more shame and anger; unfortunately many of these rebels no nothing about the subjects already mentioned, they just abuse the body in an attempt to recreate something that has to be born from within and which needs to be rediscovered.

Sexuality has become so taboo that the ability to explore one’s body with loving care and true enjoyment is a thing to be ashamed about; more often than not, those who claim they have no shame, tend to simply rub the body as if it was an empty vessel–we have lost the ability to enjoy simple yet amazing pleasures which lead to connection with our own center; the very opposite of empty sex or empty masturbation.

The body of a woman is exposed like cattle and no one seems to bat an eye over it, yet if the sensual artistic image of a woman is exposed…leaving a lot to the imagination; the reaction from many is adverse–this means we have fallen pray to the program implemented, where sensuality has to be eradicated…but why is that? Simple…sensuality and the art of sexuality often liberate the spirit and evoke desires which lead to healthy results. On the other hand, suppression of our bodies or abuse of them, lead to a society easier to control; for under those circumstances, one does not strive for more…for true elating passion nor the divine.

One is often judged for talking about sensuality and the art of love making; the simple mention of them are either related to grotesque pleasure (by one extreme) or to someone who is stuck up (by the other extreme). As a Tantric, if I express my respect and deep connection for sensuality and sexuality and how within the art of sexuality, I can let go and be totally uninhibited; enjoying every sensation my body, mind and spirit bring–more often than not, I tend to get anger as a response. One side is angry that I speak so openly about what is supposed to be taboo; which is only a reflection of how they wish they could enjoy their sexuality to the fullest. The other extreme gets angry because they feel “judged” simply because although I love sexuality, not just like it; I choose to protect my body by not sharing it with just about anyone who is willing–this only goes to reflect how subconsciously both extremes know what they are doing to themselves is not “natural” nor healthy. Perhaps it is time to start accepting, embracing and maybe even demanding sensuality and the art of sexuality to come back; to be the norm as it once was–discarding false modesty just as much as we need to discard the abuse of our bodies under the false pretense of “liberation”.

Just like false modesty has made sure to allow the oppression of women and the silence of their voice, raunchy pornographic images and behavior have soiled all naturalness of human sexuality by taking it to the extreme of the inhuman, the inaccurate, the superficial, the fictitious or sickly. The porn industry is a universe of twisted obsessions which takes advantage of the lack of real sex education; because of this, people delude themselves into believing passionate sexuality involves falsity– the pretending and faking of orgasms (at least from most females).

Having had the honor to work with some men and women who sadly had to experience the industry directly, I understand the pain and anger that comes afterwards; productions based on forcing people to perform, following scripts designed to feed the animal but never the real powerful passionate side of a male and a female. One would think they should have know everything there is to know about how to be good at sex, yet when working with them I found they were people who had no idea how their body really works, nor how to bring pleasure to themselves or others in a way that is creative, fulfilling yet honoring to the mind and spirit.

Because pornography is not natural, it teaches something unreal and offers a biased view of life; the female body has become hypersexualized. The conception of femininity or simply being a female as a synonym for being a mother, has been appeased by false rebellion with the cheap sale of the female body as an element for advertising. Although motherhood continues to be one of the demands of a highly patriarchal society, the viralization of the female body as a consumer good has worsened. The hypersexualization of a woman today begins even from childhood, with the type of clothes, hairstyle, makeup, footwear, colors, toys, tastes. The canons of beauty have been modified over the centuries; we went from seeing a desirable woman as one with wide and voluptuous hips and breasts as a synonym for fertility, to that of a very thin one, who more often than not is made to pose or act like a young girl–in other words they are trying to sell “girls” as the ultimate “woman”. Personally I think ALL BODY TYPES are beautiful; ultimately the problem is not the body but the way those bodies are presented– a child is not a woman and a woman should not be made to look like a child.

Sadly, the sensuality of the male body has also been restricted; we don’t see much of it and if we do, it is often not accepted by society. The vision of a “man” has become synonym for phallus and penetration only. This means the body of a man is not to be cherished, admired and all the focus of his sexual power is to be set on ejaculation; which then becomes the only center of attention, leaving aside the rest of the body and all emotionality.

Pornography teaches, the male delight is found only on an empty orgasm and eliminating all possibility to properly explore his body or that of his partner–aside from just the genitals. Perhaps if men were taught more about their bodies and their sensuality; perhaps if their sensuality was demanded and recognized as much as a woman’s, they would rediscover themselves and their erogenous zones; this would lead to genuine conversations, laughter, kisses, intense yet deep sexuality….in other words real connection between two souls.

"Close your eyes my darling, surrender to my touch.  Allow your pleasure to heighten.  Let's go beyond time, awakening your kundalini, meditating with our bodies.  Sexual energies dance to the divine, cosmic orgasms arise"
The Tantric Lover
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By Sofia Falcone

I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges, victories, hopes and learnings, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves!

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