Rough copy...The title for this poem came from Emily Dickinson's poem "It was not fear, for I stood up" --a poem on depression which has helped me through my ow dark times.
I can feel it coming...
That familiar heavy feeling...
Enclosed within the walls of this room
There is only silence and the fast beating of my heart
I can feel strength leaving me
My body starts to shake
The haunting memories threatening to surface
I fight with all my might
Yet I know to fight is futile
I can't stand the pain rushing forth
I feel paralyzed by it
Yet within, I find the strength to stand
My sorrowful face reflected in the mirror in front of me
All I can see, is the face of the one long forgotten
Little by little, my spirit feels as if it's crumbling
Like a leaf that falls slowly from the autumn tree
My knees feel weak and they give in,
The memories now free to display themselves
Heart wrenching sobs emanate
Is there reason to live like this?
Should I go on?
Does my life matter at all?
Does it not?
Round and round the questions go...
I can feel tears roll down my cheeks
I am now curl up like a child in its mother's womb
Even my bones hurt,
I scream in silence until I can no longer breathe
I can feel the anger rise from within
I can see her distressed face
Her desperate cries
No one cared to listen
No one was there to help her stand
My body defeated against the cold ground
My sweat is my blanket
Confusion my only companion
Suddenly I let my spirit guide me
I release control and let life take the driver's seat
My lips open to let out sweet humming
I picture "her" in my mind
I am with her, holding her tight
Tears rush forth once more
This time pain and regret are no more
They are tears of release, of letting go
I hold myself tightly
Giving myself the love I was denied
Hums turn to lyrics, I have found my voice once more
Finally I find the strength to get back up
I look at my reflection one more time
I can see hope and determination looking back
Maybe I needed this to release the pain
Another piece reclaimed from my broken past
I made room within my heart
Magick is restored within my spirit
Peace takes over my mind
I remember why here I stand
I am air
I am fire
I am earth
And I am water
I am the phoenix rising back
The eyes looking back are no longer frightened
The woman has won the child
The long forgotten companion is looking back
Her eyes seem to say "Finally...there you are".
Sofia E. Falcone
By Sofia Falcone
I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges, victories, hopes and learnings, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves!
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