Today is one of those days my whole body feels sweetly intoxicated by life…I call this feeling sensuality. Sensuality to me is a state of being, something we often forget to cultivate; we seem to think superficiality is sensuality but those of us who feel it emanate from deep within, understand sensuality is something magickal, a part of you, a divine gift which feels like sweet warm fire; hot enough to get you going, cool enough to satiate every broken space within the spirit. Sensuality…today I am in love with it.
I am one of those people who finds sensuality in the little things as well as the big ones; from the melting of chocolate on my tongue to the tingling sensation of bubbly water against my naked skin. Usually after a dark night of the soul, sensuality comes knocking at my door; those times I dance, I sing, compose or do whatever feels good…and it feels as if I am one with what is divine. I don’t think any drug could compare to what I feel when I am in this state; it is creative, loving, strong…just fantastic.
Could it be because today I am enjoying the photoshoot? maybe…maybe it is everything around me. Last night I couldn’t sleep…I woke up this morning at 3:33…I know this because my body tends to do that a lot, so I memorize the number…sometimes give or take 5 minutes–who knows maybe I subconsciously trained myself to wake up at that hr. Regardless, I took my dog outside and I swear the air feels different at that time…everything feels so intense…so alive. I love taking deep breaths at that hour, I love feeling the cool air. I kept thinking about this morning and the day before; truly night and day–my dark night of the soul was heavy but every time it seems shorter and what comes after is just magickal.
I am in love with food and everything that gets the senses and the spirit going; as I walked to where we are doing the photoshoot, I could barely believe my eyes…food! It was like an erotic moment…but with food. I can’t describe how much I love tasting new things, taking my time savoring them…feeling them melt in my mouth. I love trying to recognize the flavors, textures…so for me, the fact they had ordered some very delicious treats was a bonus; I was in heaven. I don’t think I could ever diet…food, music, poetry, books, photoshoots, horses, lakes, mountains, chess, guitars…they are what to me makes life wild, sensual and erotic.
I love art; emotional art and sensual art. I love that I get to help create both; depending on what we are working on. I guess because I have a severe dislike for the mundane, what is cheap or pornographic…I feel blessed to at times work on bringing sensual art to life. Anyway…as I am taking a break and I am so elated; feeling my toes enjoy the soft, cozy carpet, the warmth of the fire place and thinking of what we have done so far; I decided to write down my experience and write to sensuality as if she was here with me…because she is!
Sensuality, you are something most can’t describe and many confuse, but to me you are pure intoxicating essence which brings a smile to my face. You help people come back to life, to experience magick. You ignite the imagination, memories of beautiful moments usually rush back. Other times, our imagination takes flight and we can get blissfully lost on moments we wish were taking place or people we wish were here; you make them appear as if one was there.
I learned from you that to be sensual is to enjoy my every sense and I do, and when that happens I fall in love with life over and over again; fueling me with strength, idealism, hope, love and everything I will need to face life as it is. You are what inhabits and incites me; you are me and I am you. And when I simply let go and let you guide me, there is an infinite feeling of pleasure, of well being, of being satiated; anything I do at these times, from writing down my thoughts, a bath or making love…leaves me feeling wild yet sacred…I feel whole.
Today I get to experience you through art, I get to be you…to embrace my femininity in a beautiful way. These moments when you and I are one, are precious. Without you as a gift from life, I don’t think life would be worth living. You make everything so much better…the eyes can transcend the robotic way in which they usually inspect every thing that surrounds us. The body transcends the mundane and allows itself to come to life; it is no longer just flesh but a vehicle of what is divine.
Many seek you outside yet you are everywhere; you reveal yourself only to those willing to open themselves up..to see beyond the veil, the cages, the false restrictions, the morbidity, the self abuse. How many times have you been condemned for what the cheap and pornographic have done to this world?…they have forgotten you inspire poets, writers, painters, musicians, chefs…anything that is creation–how then could you be charged by the evils of this world?
You are health, rebirth, passion…you are life’s ecstasy and I am honored to have you live and express yourself in me. They say I am “weird”...I say “thank you” for I get to experience what many sadly are denied. Sometimes when the pain hits, I forget who I am…but then comes you…reminding me what unique feels like.
My dear sensuality, sadly this letter has to end…but I will keep enjoying you as the day goes on. Perhaps later we will pick up where we left off–get to spend more time, perhaps over a cup of coffee or maybe a glass of wine; either way, I won’t say goodbye because you are always with me.