Traditional therapy can be an intimidating thing; it should come as not surprise then how much more “terrifying” the idea of Tantric counselling can be; whether by one self or as a couple. Tantric counselling is similar to what is commonly known as Sex Therapy; which focuses on physical and mental dysfunctions; however, Tantric counselling adds to these the layer of spirituality and focuses on the person as a whole rather than on the “problem”. Before I continue, I would like to share with you an extract of a beautiful email received not too long ago….
“I hated my body. Looking at it in the mirror, I saw only flaws. After my last relationship, sex with potential partners was poor and superficial. I felt ashamed to touch myself and could not bring myself to an orgasm. The counselling I have done with you has awakened in me a magic, which I never would have thought was possible. The first time you said “compassion and ecstasy go hand in hand” I had my doubts, yet after months of so much inner work, discovering who I am and learning to love and embrace my body, I am please I did not give up. The magic of compassionate love, the magic of opening my heart so I may see myself as divine and worthy of pleasure have been a real blessing. I don’t just see myself but others as well. You have taught me to love my body and my soul without false moralities. I’ve learned within me is where my value resides. “How to love another if you are not capable of loving yourself? How to touch another if you don’t know how to touch, love and honor yourself?” those were the questions you pose for me and -to be entirely truthful I almost didn’t return. There was something intimidating about you but also loving and gentle. I was tired of reading magazines with bogus advice, tired of prejudices, false beliefs, shame and feelings of being unworthy. That morning at your office, I made a choice to surrender and open up. I am glad I stuck with therapy and the exercises, they’ve allowed me to connect with love. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping me become an empowered lover. Thank you for guiding me with the utmost respect, care and empathy”
Counseling can be intimidating; you may experience shame or outright shock when the moment to confront yourself takes place. You may feel beaten at the idea of having to accept that you may need help. If it is your partner who suggests Tantric Counselling, the suggestion may leave you feeling as inadequate–but those are all fears expressing themselves. Fear of the unknown–it is the false ego fighting back. However, it helps to remind oneself that it takes a strong person to acknowledge when one is in need of help. Also most of us have lived in a society that separated, mind body and soul; whatever they don’t superficially teach, we are left to fill the gaps with our imagination, our preconceptions or with fantasy. We don’t know it all; so you are not alone…none of us are. None of us has it figured out; hopefully we are living consciously, trying to do the best we can–not based on what society says is good or bad but based on what our own being recognizes is good for us. If you can push through the original discomfort, counselling might just save your life; if you are in a relationship; it might just save your relationship. Counselling is not a magick potion; specially when it comes to couples; it will either bring you closer or it will show you the individual paths you are on. It all depends on your level connection and your desire to do the work.
Tantric counselling is a sacred space (safe) for an individual or a couple to discuss mental, spiritual, and sexual difficulties they may be experiencing. Again, unlike sex therapy, Tantric counselling won’t just focus on the physical; for this is always the result of deeper things often hidden within the parts of our subconscious that govern the spiritual and mental planes. Therapy will always be customized to honor the uniqueness of each individual.
If you are single and you are experiencing mental and physical problems regarding sexual issues; it is the best time to address them. That way you can enter a relationship with a little more confidence–real vulnerability and strength; the corner stones of real confidence.
In counseling, you have full permission and are encouraged to express yourself fully. Nothing is held back–something which is hard to do, give or receive. If attending counselling with a partner, be prepared that you might learn things about your partner you may not have been aware of. Open communication and compassion will be necessary, and your therapist will help you navigate the waters until you both find your footing again. If you are attending alone, you may learn something new about yourself, which might provide you with a deeper insight which usually leads to a stronger sense of self.
The benefits of counseling are: It stops complacency and routine; you may not even be fully aware of how unsatisfied you have been or how unwanted or rejected your partner may have been feeling. It allows you to learn a different love language towards yourself and how you approach your partner. Relief from unrealistic expectations while discovering real pleasurable ways to connect. It helps develop backbone and personal power; counselling requires commitment. If single, it teaches you how to pick more compatible sexual partners. Helps with the overcoming of sexual dysfunctions. Allows partners to find common ground where their sexual interests lay. Revives sexless marriages, or unsatisfactory “self love” practices. Helps overcome discrepancies whether due to communication or due to different sexual drives and libido–releasing sexual shame or fears. Lastly but more importantly, it helps you navigate through your pain; discovering the cause, exposing it, working with it, healing it….increasing your capacity to love.
Irrelevant of whether you are single, married, in a partnership or in a polyamory relationship…counseling is a great healing path for everyone. The quality of your ability to express yourself, and the level of intimacy you have with yourself (physically, mentally and spiritually) affect how you offer and receive love. It also affects how you honor your own uniqueness. Through looking at the eyes of a counselor; who acts as the mirror; you can discover so much about yourself and come face to face with your light and your shadow; pulling back false pretenses, illusions and discovering the real you.