Basic Tantric Steps To A More Pleasurable Sexuality

By now those of you who have have read my previous articles and familiarized yourselves with my webpage, know that aside from being a holistic counselor, I am a Tantric. In the past I have written a few articles regarding Tantra & Kundalini, hoping to help those who are not familiar with what Tantra is, better understand it and how it works. Although Tantra is merging again, reacquainting itself with the world, there are still a large number of people completely unfamiliar with this ancient practice/art/discipline; even more sad is the fact many who do seek to understand what it is, often end up getting a shallow, superficial, twisted or outright wrong explanation of what Tantra actually is.

If you are not very knowledgeable in the matter, you may think that it is something similar to the “Kamasutra”, yet Kamasutra and Tantric Sexuality are not the same. Although a large part of Tantra is the use of our bodies to awaken pathways of energies within, unlike the Kamasutra, Tantra seeks to unify and align body, mind and soul. In other words, while the Kamasutra is a book in which a series of sex positions appear, Tantric Sexuality increases sexual experience through connection, introspection, proper technique, alchemy and the uninhibited yet sacred use of our bodies.

In reality, tantric sex as such does not exist, but there is Tantra. And although in the West it is associated with sexual practice, Tantra is a holistic experience with very ancient origins. According to the belief system proposed by Tantric Philosophy, its practice helps people to be aware of what surrounds them and what happens in their own internal energy.

Tantra is based on existentiality and the “here and now”; however although its focus is the present moment, at times it uses the present to heal the past. Tantra’s attitude towards life affects sexuality, since a non-judgmental mentality is adopted, in which the person connects with his being and that of his partner. In this sense, tantric sexuality resembles experiences recently developed from the field of Psychology and which at the same time are inspired by meditation and alchemy.

Those who genuinely try to apply the principles of tantra to their sex life, soon learn that Tantra allows them to live with greater freedom and helps to develop the senses to a level higher than they previously thought possible; as well as teaching someone proper discipline without rigidness and genuine love to self and others.

Also, because one is in the present moment without seeking to escape life, Tantra is synonymous with emotional connection, it is fusion with oneself and with the beloved. Tantra teaches one to get “high” in one’s own senses and intensifies the sexual experience as it puts all the attention on every sensation our bodies and the world around us offer. As such, the mind and body freely merge, this only intensifies the sensations and experience.

Although Tantra takes years to learn and it is a style of life, here are some basic steps to build intimacy…

The present is sacred.- The present is without a doubt the best way to connect with oneself. Putting the spotlight on the here and now stops our mind from ruminating, so we can give ourselves more thoroughly, in consciousness. In fact, if we focus on the external; fantasies or expectations; it is very difficult to achieve not only a powerful healing orgasm, but an erection that will last for more than a short while. For Tantra, the past is our teacher and we should face it, but the only time that exists is the present. In this way, within tantric sexuality, people detach themselves from superficial desires and false needs, which are often based on projection into the past or the future.

In order to set aside ideas, thoughts, memories and imaginations, it is necessary to open up to the experience of the person (know the person from the inside out) and become aware of the place, the situation, the soul (eye contact), the skin, the hair, the smell. To open the door for the flow of sensations and energy between those involved, it is necessary to focus attention on the here and now, this is possible by practicing tantric breathing.

How to do it? Just before the intimate encounter, it is necessary to stand naked in front of each other. Tantric breathing is used to quiet one’s own mind and control inspiration and expiration, so that attention is focused on the entry and exit of air through the nose. You have to keep your eyes closed and do it for five minutes. When one has controlled the breathing, it is time to connect with the other’s breath and merge both breaths. Then, our partner begins to be someone with whom we connect and enjoy the experience as one entity.

Eye Contact.There are many people who are afraid to look directly into the eyes of other people, but a look says more than a thousand words. Naked in front of each other, it is possible to increase the connection simply by maintaining eye contact.

Not surprisingly, the tendency to seek eye contact with people is an innate characteristic of the human being; to the point that when this does not occur in the early stages of development, it is a sign that a disorder may exist. Our brain is prepared to detect and recognize very small nuances in the movement of the muscles of the other’s eye area, so that much of the non-verbal language rests on the act of intertwining glances. As the years pass, adults subconsciously become fearful of looking at the eyes of others, either due to fear of being seen or fear of discovering something they are not sure they can handle.

After a few minutes, sit down on lotus position and practice eye gazing. Eye gazing is the pleasurable practice of letting someone into your soul and you seeing theirs; like a puzzle that is being solved–that is the goal, yet we are to let it happen naturally. It’s about being aware of what’s going on in that special moment. Although at first it may be uncomfortable, in the end you will end up stripping your feelings naked.

Chakras (control of the energy centers).-Tantra puts the focus on the chakras, which are the energy centers of the body. This practice favors the energetic exchange between the members of intimate relationships, which from this philosophy is understood to be six. Three from men (instinctive-sexual, emotional and mental-spiritual) and three from women.

These centers also contain several centers. For example, the instinctive-sexual is formed by: the root (1°) and the sexual (2°); and the emotional one by the solar plexus chakra (3°), the heart chakra (4°) and the laryngeal chakra (5°), among others. Each of these points have an impact on the sexual act.

In order to work the chakras, one of the partners must lay on his o her belly and the other can perform a healing yet arousing massage throughout the body; from the feet to the first chakra, passing through the 7 main ones. Afterwards, the partner who was the receiver becomes the giver, performing a massage but starting from the crown to the feet. Once they have experienced this basic massage, the body is better prepared, eager (not just physically) to connect–in other words, both partners are now ready for their sexual encounter.

Exploration of the Valley.- Tantra is also known as the cult of the feminine. The feminine refers to the archetypal characteristics regarding the life experience of women, in the sense of tenderness, listening, softness and sensitivity, etc. Likewise, the woman is the creator figure of life, not only for having children but for the special care she requires in terms of cycles and time in sexual practice.

Tantric man has the predisposition to accompany and lend his essence so that it can be enjoyed. This special attention to a woman’s pleasure, in turn will have an impact on how the female will relate to the male. If he has managed to connect with her, her body will open up in ways most people don’t often get to experience.

To work on it, the man must show an attitude of mindfulness and receptive attention to the body of his partner: Listen to it, perceive it, feel it subtly and in its entirety. The increased arousal of the woman will provide immense pleasure to the man.

Discover the Universe.- This point may seem similar to the previous one, but while the previous one pays attention to the signals that man receives from the female who now embodies Shakti; divine feminine and powerful sexual lover–This knowledge awakens the consciousness of the male (also called Shiva).

The human body is a universe to be discovered, and there are different erogenous zones that we can awaken and discover. To do so, the members of the couple must without shame show each other what areas of their body feel more pleasure. This will increase the intensity of their love making while also revealing “sleeping zones” (erogenous zones which are not respondent to touch) which can later be worked on, so as to awaken every single erogenous zone the body holds.

Different Rhythms.- Human beings great capacity for adaptation and habituation, is something innate. Everything in nature is changing, and the same should happen in our sexuality so as not to become lethargic/robotic. In Tantra there are so many variations so as to keep things interesting and enjoyable while connecting. It is possible to use these varieties without having to change partners. For Tantra is not about monogamy or polyamory, it is about respect for whom you share your body with; in other words, you should be a lover and share yourself with those who are also lovers, not takers nor superficial, for their sexuality will reflect this.

**Also superficial people may become addicted to a Tantric’s sexuality which may lead to controlling behavior, while not being able to open up their souls. What should have been healing can turn destructive for the Tantric; as such, care as to whom a Tantric shares his or herself with is extremely important. When one is a Tantric (has learned, practices Tantra seriously and regularly) his or her sexual energy is healing, this means the Tantric’s partners will grow mentally and spiritually from whatever stage they may find themselves in; it is the Tantric who has to process all those energies, as such a Tantric is very picky about his or her lovers and takes his or her time in doing so.

The change of intensities and rhythms increases the energy of arousal and helps to have more intense orgasms. Here is a simple tantric exercise that can be practiced by novices (after following the other steps previously mentioned). When the the couple are in an intimate encounter, they must vary the rhythm and intensity of the caresses, especially in the erogenous zones. This should not only be done in the preliminaries but also during intercourse. For example, it is possible to perform 6 soft penetrations and one deep one. You can also carry out a combination of 5-1, 4-1, 3-1, 2-1, 1-1 (where the first number is the soft penetrations and the second the deep ones) and then start the sequence again. Although at first it may require focus, as your body becomes acquainted with the beautiful and pleasurable sensations that arise from practicing various rhythms, it will instinctively learn when and what to do.

The valley of the orgasms.- There are many people who are interested in Tantra to acquire a mastery in terms of the ejaculatory process, because when ejaculation occurs, man loses physical energy and requires time for recovery.

Ejaculation is the result of what is understood as a peak orgasm, one of short duration and that ends in an explosion of energy. The mastery of ejaculation leads us to the valley orgasm, which consists of an all body orgasm, which when it happens does not become the end of intercourse, as the erection does not give way and the clitoris can continue to be stimulated without discomfort.

In addition, this aspect of tantrious sex is characterized by non-genitality: orgasm is not sought as a result of friction but is part of the connection with the other person in the present.

The valley orgasm is key to the greater enjoyment of the relationship. A tantric technique to improve awareness of the ejaculatory moment, is the practice of the perception of the previous instant, that is stopping right at the moment when the person is going to ejaculate. After a few seconds, it is possible to return to being an active participant, but while the person has stopped, he or she gets to experience a unique intense sensation which will give way to a full body orgasm, and which eventually leads to a mind blowing orgasm that not only satisfies all senses but opens the mind and frees the spirit.

To promote this state of self-awareness, it is necessary to practice active listening to oneself and detect the pleasurable sensations that lead to peak orgasm. To master the valley of orgasm, first the work is done alone. When there is a certain domain, then you work with your partner; unless you are being taught by a Tantric or your partner is a Tantric, then trust them to guide you through each pleasurable step 😉


By Sofia Falcone

I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges, victories, hopes and learnings, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves!

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