Hate is Not an Option

This article is based on a discussion I had with a group last Friday, as a result of current world events. I won’t go into the details of that discussion, for I want this article to be a little bit lighter and to focus on the beauty of self without falling pray to false positivism.

We are currently living within a society where it seems we can quickly acquire anything we desire, but living like this, not only make us impatient but also takes away from our level of resilience; as a result, this can breed people who on the outside may seem very understanding but in reality have zero understanding or; I dare say; even “tolerance” towards others or even themselves.

If we don’t heal fast enough, or look a certain way, or achieve what others may label as successful within a certain timeframe, we tend to often punish ourselves–this looking down at ourselves only generates resentment, such resentment can often lead to feelings of self hatred or hatred towards others….where we just want someone to pay because we feel life is unfair.

Obviously social media has only intensified and expanded the problem; don’t get me wrong, social media could be a great tool for promoting and generating a better society, but instead it is full of influencers whom mostly care about nonsensical superficial things and who promote a fake life and fake emotions. The so called “positive only” movement or what is called by psychologists as “Toxic Positivity”, also adds to the problem; creating a world where anything that hurts needs to be buried and denied in order to fit in–this of course doesn’t promote healing, on the contrary it only generates passive aggressive behavior, which in many cases given time, may express itself in outright aggressive behavior. The old congruent way of dealing with “negative” emotions; so they may be exposed, validated, cleaned, worked on and healed; is quickly becoming extinct.

Such a discrepancy and imbalance generated by a blinding light of so called positivity, illumination and the desire to deny our own shadow and shortcomings, is the perfect breading ground for hatred. It is said that to hate is easy but that is not the case, to hate requires tremendous effort…it requires to give up on self and the world–imagine what it would take to get to that level. Don’t get me wrong, there are individuals in this world whose mental maturity level may outwardly seem developed yet their actions expose the opossite….to these individuals hating comes naturally and easily–usually the result of living a very over sheltered life. As you can see then, a life where one is not exposed to pain and a life over exposed to pain, can lead to the same place….hate–this of course depends ultimately on the person’s essence and the desire to be self responsible.

The phrase “to hate is easy”, was never meant to be used the way we modernly do; that is to say, the way new age movements or dogmatic minds use it–to them it ultimately means: pretend to be forgiving. I use the word “pretend”, for real forgiveness doesn’t take place simply by the pronouncing of words–meaning and action are needed. Originally the phrase to hate is easy, was meant to represent not the chanting of false niceties but the extensive work that is required to heal oneself; as result also healing that which surrounds us.

To hate requires simply a choice to give up– to live in love is harder. To live in real love, means to live facing the light and the shadow, integrating them so as to create a more congruent world. It means to honor our uniqueness, which means being faithful to our essence first–when we do so, we organically respect the uniqueness of others–they are no longer the competition or the obstacle, but human beings with talents and hurts… just like us. It is easy to believe one can become loving by simply repeating nice things, but the reality is that in order to truly feel for another human being and respect that being’s right to be in this planet, requires that we first feel we are being honored–that only happens when we do the work required to arrive at a place of understanding–understanding no one can give you value but yourself, and that requires internal work.

Desiring the destruction of one’s neighbor occurs with incomprehensible ease; considering its ethical and psychological implications. Needlessly hurting others based exclusively on the idea of “an eye for an eye” or the antisocial code of revenge, goes against all natural law. Don’t get me wrong, by now you should be able to tell that I am not one to promote passiveness when action is needed–I won’t ever advocate for allowing you to simply become a sacrificial lamb which others can abuse over and over– that would not only be ignorant from my part but outright monstrous. There is a big difference however, between standing up against being hurt or atrocities, and simply acting like an unleashed monster–for to say beast would be an insult to the animal kingdom, where animals only kill to eat or to defend themselves, not for sick pleasure.

To hate is to wish the worst on another human being, it is not a congruent adaptive defense against an attack, but the reminder, the permanent feeding of a toxic feeling. Hatred is not extinguished or exhausted when we use it (actions that needlessly hurt others) rather it deepens and reinforces itself. Similar to what happens with drug dependence, hatred does not get satiated by our next “fix”; the organism is not able to process and absorb it until it reaches balance, it will simply demand more and more until there is nothing left to give.

The scheme of hatred (whether passive aggressive or outright violent) perpetuates itself in a hellish spiral–when we mistakenly attempt to quench the thirst for revenge by killing someone, it is possible that the victim’s family or friends will also resort to violence to “redress” the issue, which will cause those newly affected to react with violence–and so the cycle of pain, hurt, trauma and revenge, does not get cleansed or addressed but simply continues. The same result takes place when we choose to hide our hurts or demand others to simply pretend to be holy by hiding their shortcomings, mistakes, pains, etc….the result is only more toxic people, more volatile situations.

The legacy of death is the only thing hatred and passive aggressive behavior know….and when these are not acknowledged, they are transmitted as a legacy from generation to generation, from moment to moment. False healing, paranoia, ignorance, abuse, false virtue, reputation over character, action and reaction, defense and attack…the philosophy of a sick and deluded war. Hatred whether expressed or repressed is the heritage of human predators (animals do not hate, nor they pretend to be nice….they only survive) the emotional justification that “legalizes” the annihilation of victims.

Emotional anger, just like false diplomacy, exterminates love because it opposes the natural right to uniquely exist of another person. To hate is to proclaim the “non-being”: “It makes me angry that you exist or that you are happy”.

As mentioned before, hatred does not always take dramatic and genocidal forms; people do not always attack in a hurry and most don’t like to manifest external aggression out of fear of losing reputation. Sometimes anger is repressed and transformed into resentment with a smile…this resentment is simply unresolved anger that turns toxic and settles in the emotional memory, not leaving its host alone. There can be no tranquility nor genuine goodness of nature, if the mind is bent on desiring evil. Hating takes time, it requires a great investment of resources and bitterness, that is why sustained abhorrence makes those who feel it sick.

Hate and fake pleasantries also generate an internal degradation of life. No one can grow when living in hatred or false goodness, for they are the opposite of truly enjoying the pure passions of life. The obsessive aversion to another living being, takes away the option of coexistence and places us on a battlefield mined by toxicity and misery.

I hope in reading this, I have left clear that not everyone should or need like us, and we should not care. There are people who will dislike who we are because we trigger areas in their life they don’t want to look at. Others may not like us simply because there is an internal visceral reaction that needs no explanation…it just is. It happens to all of us–if we want the right not to lower our heads simply because we just don’t get along with someone, then we should allow the same thing back…..but let’s be clear, not liking someone is not the same as hating someone. Vital animosity, the imperative need to want to provoke evil to a fellow man or to openly or quietly enjoy any misfortune the other may go through–that is to be malevolent–something that speaks clearly about someone’s essence…no words or false pleasantries can cover that up.

To summarize, I would like to say that it is best to live life in a way that is coherent–this doesn’t mean your life has to fit the “normal” or be accepted by most…it’s your life, not theirs. I simply mean that in life we should have no fear of being a two winged butterfly; light and darkness; where we don’t punish ourselves for our gentle sins– for we all have them– nor do we play small when it comes to our gifts and talents. We need both sides to find real illumination instead of delusional light. We need both in order to grow as human beings and to better understand ourselves and others. We need both in order to wake up from sympathy to empathy; in doing so we become more loving while remaining strong enough to stand up when needed….we become more free, we become the best unique version of ourselves.

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By Sofia Falcone

I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges, victories, hopes and learnings, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves!

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