What I am writing here is based on my piece “Reflections: Pornography…the Silent Killer” and on the teachings of Osho; teachings which have inspired the style and techniques used by mentors and sexual educators such as Diana Richardson and Barry Long among others.
Unlike pornography would like us to believe, mindless thrusting does nothing for the female body; unless of course the individual has psychological wounds and traumas that need healing–if that were to be the case, it is not the body that is responsive but the role playing of something which although may not be healthy, is familiar– most human beings seek what is familiar.
Although we consider ourselves modern, when it comes to the delicious but pure healthy enjoyment of our sexuality, the subject remains pretty much taboo. Porn and cheap images can be found all over with ease, yet we are still unable to articulate the subject of sexuality with ease and intelligence. Two of the most common questions posed while on counseling are : “How can I achieve orgasm through penetration without clitorial stimulation?” and “Is there a lot of difference between a G-spot orgasm and a Clitorial orgasm?” The answers are: Yes, there is a big difference between a clitorial orgasm and a G-spot orgasm. These offer two “types” of orgasmic experience which are sometimes called “peak” and “wave” orgasms. A “peak” orgasm feels like a focused, intense ‘peak’, like the top of a mountain, and then afterwards the clitoris can feel too sensitive to touch again straight away–but it is the easiest most reliable way to achieve an orgasm.
Meanwhile, g-spot orgasms tend to feel deliciously deep, slow, full bodied and more like an explosive wave than a peak–or rather the riding of many peaks. But unlike during a clitorial peak orgasm, the body is often ready to be touched again straight away after a wave orgasm, so you can just keep going and possibly have multiple orgasms–if your body is multi-orgasmic. With that said, a g-spot orgasm, requires skill, rapport and patience–which is why many women go through life without experiencing one or assume they had one when in reality what they experienced was a clitorial orgasm.
It is true that unhealed wounds or trauma can make a person shy away from their sexuality; hence it is our personal responsibility when healing, to look at ourselves as full beings, not just aspects; as such our focus should be focused on mind, body and soul.
During consultations, there is a misconception that rape is the only thing that can traumatize a vagina, but that is not the case. The treatment given to women based on what is consider the “healthy conventional” can traumatize the mind and distort visions of what healthy sexuality is. Likewise, the conventional sexual life traumatizes the tissues of the vagina enough to cause a woman to lose her natural high sensitivity. For too long the west has focused on the exploitation of the female image while acting rigid when it comes to educating, discovering and exploring healthy sexuality. The old Western way of making love has had direct consequences which have cause the vaginal tissues to seriously deteriorate, which has resulted in a gradual decrease in its receptive qualities. Let me elaborate….
First, the man penetrates the woman long before the woman’s sexual temperature is high enough to invite him in.
Secondly, after the entry of the man, there is a series of frictions of the penis against the sensitive and soft vaginal walls; because the woman wasn’t ready, what should be pleasurable becomes painful or causes the woman to numb herself by mentally flying while faking a series of orgasms, hoping her partner achieves climax quickly–the vagina goes from being a highly perceptive and receptive channel, to being hardened and reacts in a self protective manner…a numb overprotective channel.
Third…the mechanical movements of the pelvis; typical of conventional sex; contribute even more to increase the growing insensitivity of the interior of the vagina–delicious healthy sexuality is a conscious action not a mechanical one.
If a person has never practiced healthy sexuality, it is best to start slow in order to start healing the body–it is no different than healing the mind…one does not expect results overnight. With this said, there is fear among those curious to explore healthy healing sexuality, that all spontaneity will be lost, this could not be further from the truth–that is just what we have been programmed to believe. On the contrary once the body has learned to be more receptive, its ability to enjoy intense, uninhibited sexuality increases, which leads to beautiful spontaneous yet conscious moments of intimacy that are healing and which connect one soul with another. So how can we start this process…with patience.
The easiest step would be breast stimulation…through proper breast stimulation, women generate oxytocin which is known to cause healthy stimulation of the cervix. So is good breast stimulation enough to reach a deep orgasm?… there are women to whom genuinely this would be enough, but most need a bit more. What is practically common and predominant among women; unless they have a blockage of the chest or heart chakra; is that for a good ecstatic coital experience, proper stimulation of the breasts is a very important step. When properly loved and excited, the energy of the breasts floods and ignites the vagina. In a heterosexual relationship, the vagina, as a passive energetic pole, must be fully prepared to receive the maximum impact of male energy.
It is important to honor the fact that the female is the receptive creating energy while the male is the giving generating energy. This does not mean a woman’s role is to be passive, it simply means in order to activate a woman’s creative side, she must first know herself, her body, her desires, and then have a partner who knows her blueprint and whom would like to ignite her core passions.
When a woman’s vagina vibrates as a magnetic response to the caresses of her breasts and feels genuinely wanted as a whole, she becomes receptive and activated by the sexual energy generated within. At that moment, the woman immediately realizes that she desires to be entered…it is no longer a game of who controls who but of unity–and her body will send her the signals that she is ready for intercourse. It is a completely spontaneous energetic event: an absolute “yes” to the penetration that starts from the depths of the soul. At that moment the vagina can be opened to the input of dynamic energy from the penis, creating a living electromagnetic circuit. The vagina melts around the penis and drinks the energy radiating from it as he absorbs her healing energy–hence rapport is important–are you sharing yourself with someone who wants to connect with you from the heart? someone who wants you to heal? or are you sharing yourself with someone who only seeks release or to whom such a moment of intimacy will mean nothing the day after. It matters not if you are monogamous, polyamory, lover or dating…if there is no true rapport, the healing energy of sexuality is simply lost.
Sex is a sublime experience of subtle and powerful communication and as in any communication, the receiver must be willing and open to receive what the sender expresses. If sender and receiver are well tuned, then communication flows and sexual energy flows between them. If not, no matter how much the sender wants to give its energy/information, the receiver cannot absorb/integrate it.
Listening, openness, slowness, internalization, giving up of false rigid programmings without abusing the body and being present… these are the keys to awakening sexual power in intercourse. A power that simmers and when it reaches the “boiling point”, the energy can lead a person to altered states of consciousness previously unimagined, and melt at the feelings of pure ecstasy while healing wounds.
The path of healing is in our hands but first we must change the way we make love.
Falcone Counseling Services 