Today I would like to propose for us to ponder on something which may seem simple yet it is vital…what really is success. We are often so caught up worrying that to be successful is to amass material things; yet from personal experience and from people I have met through my life or worked with, material wealth does not equate to a joyous fulfilling life; as such, they can hardly qualify as successful.
A hamster within a fancy and spacious cage, is still a hamster within a cage. This means, no matter how many material things we have, or monetary totals in our bank account, if we are playing to the crowd and have no peace of mind, no right to express ourselves as we are, then we are living within a cage; slaves to the external. In no way I am preaching that money or living comfortably are not necessary or evil; I disagree wholeheartedly with those type of sentiments–I do believe they are often the result of bitterness or passive aggression. Money is a necessity within our society; as such, it is naïve to say one should hate it or look down on it….money is a tool, it does nothing you don’t want it to do. I am yet to meet someone who has pretty much nothing and is suffering due to economical lack, who looks at money as the worst thing to have….on the contrary, they would very much like to enjoy it–they may have a dislike for those in power who misuse it, or those who violate the rights people in order to better their own economics, but in no way are they looking at money as evil. Greed isn’t the same as enjoying a comfortable life–greed and the need to be accepted no matter what are the problem (unhealed wounds, cowardice, ignorance)–the moment we need to wear different masks for different people, we are no longer being successful.
If I go to a gun range, I am quite comfortable with my results–that is because I go there whenever I please…no pressure. If I were to enter a competition, I am sure I would be a bit nervous. The same happens for many people when it comes to an exam, many may know and understand the concepts quite well, yet if the exam is to determine the outcome of the amount of work and effort they have put in, then there is bound to be a certain degree of hesitation– otherwise people would not bother trying to prepare for it. What I am trying to say, is that when we do things because we like something, we know it, we enjoy it; it is then we are using our full capacity…it is then without trying we experience success. However, when we choose to play to the crowd and let them determine what is best for us, and how to do things, we often end up sacrificing real joy for a mask of false pleasure–and that, is not success.
A while back, I was working on manuscript for a Tantra Book, while doing so, I got a lot of negative, judgmental or even malicious feedback; this made me a bit sad and anxious and started to question myself, even my sensual poetry–I lost joy for what I was doing. It is when I realized that joy was gone and only stress was there, that I decided to put it aside. I am not choosing not to work on it based on what was said, I know I will finish it once I get myself in the right setting…meaning, when I find myself enjoying the process again. Meantime, I still compose sensual poetry and write articles on sexuality and Tantra because I will not let others determine what I should and should not find enjoyable, or out of fear of not ever being popular. As I took a break from the creative process of working on my Tantra Book, I ended up creating another book where I got to express a lot of emotions…the result became “Reflections of a Mad Butterfly”, a book which just came out on sale last week. That book of course did not please a lot of people, but it wasn’t meant to be pleasing, it was meant to be a reflection of my mind and soul and my personal experiences–needless to say, I enjoyed every minute of creating it–that to me is success, even if others don’t agree with it.
Whenever we do things at moments of anxiety, we will end up not giving 100% of ourselves. Whenever we choose to do what we love simply out of enjoyment, we will excel an be focused without trying. Our mind only experiences blockage/delays, whenever it experiences fear, anxiety. It is about finding the right amount of motivation.
Too often we fall for the highest degree of motivation as determined by society, yet the result is often feelings of mediocre joy or pleasure– because we have punished ourselves by pushing our mind, body and soul to a corner of high expectations. The right degree of motivation, is the one which brings you joy, and that degree is very personal…what to you may be the right amount, to someone else may be too low or too high, and that is ok…they are not you. Whatever gives you peace, joy, pleasure and progress, is what matters…is not how fast you go, is that you go true to your essence, so as to stay true to yourself–at the end of the day, still be able to happily recognize the person looking back on the mirror.
Success is to enjoy the process of doing, it should not be determine by the small moment of whether or not you managed to hit the mark–success is enjoying the ride. If we apply this concept to our lives, we will be able to look back and define ourselves as successful.
6 Ways To Give Your Mind A Break which will help you build a successful life….
1. Stop stressing—“Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror.
Just keep going, for no feeling is final”
2. Stop worrying…nothing ever got solved by spending energy worrying. Do your best…your best will always be good enough–and no one can determine what your best is…only you can do that.
3. Give rest to the problems weighing you down…if you can’t find a solution, take a break–it will come to you. Taking a break is not the same as not caring or being careless, it simply means your mind needs time to formulate a plan after all the information you have provided it with.
4. Lighten up…submerge yourself in things that bring you joy.
5. Forgive yourself.…There are people in this world who are monsters in human skin yet they walk around without regrets. You are not them, you made mistakes…we all do. Identify if it was a mistake or something others are telling you should qualify as one–listen to YOUR voice. Once you have determined what is what, if you need to forgive yourself do. My dear let it go–life has already forgiven you; for no one can hide from life–which means, stop comparing your goodness or your faults to others…no one is perfect.
6. Forgive others...this doesn’t mean don’t walk through the process. There are things we can forgive right away, there are things that will take time, and there are things which don’t deserve forgiveness–very few things are like that–but there is nothing wrong with that. Forgiveness is the gift yourself; if you do so organically, not just repeating words or out of fear of being condemned or not being good. You can forgive and move on, you can forgive and set boundaries, or you can forgive and never look back–it is your path… do it for you, don’t let others tell you what is right or wrong for you–if it brings you peace within, then follow that.
Successful people understand the difference between what they can control and what they can’t control, and they don’t feel guilty for doing things differently than most.
We are being successful when we are facing our fears, moving one step closer to healing. We are successful when we are working at building the life we want, enjoying the things we love doing–maybe you can be happy with lots of things, maybe not…it all comes down to what makes your soul alive and your mind joyous. You don’t have to determine success based on what someone else may or may not have or enjoy–its your life, you have a divine right to enjoy it.
When we flow with life is when we live in success. This doesn’t mean we should simply not do anything and be boats lost at sea without a point of destination–all I am saying is this: have a plan based on your desires, your needs and your dreams, but know that plans can change and morph, so be prepared; that way whenever you experience a delay, a setback or something unpleasant, you will be able to feel it, learn from it and let it go. No running away, nor punishing one self….that is working towards balance, and balance is success. The type of balance you need in your life can only be determined by you; stop letting others tell you that you are too little or too much. If you are genuinely enjoying being you, then you are being successful.
Well written Sofia Falcone…
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Thank you Charles