As mentioned on my previous articles, these days I a focused on what is important to me, what compliments my essence: Tantra, psychology, Shamanism, Philosophy, and close acceptance of certain aspects of my roots. During this process, these past few days have been quite challenging; it is never easy to accept you need to face that which is trying to destroy you…specially if it comes from within. For nothing from within is meant to destroy you, it simply wants your attention and blacking out to it, denying it…doesn’t help.
After days of what some would call brutal work, Tantra reminded me, it is time to now breathe and soothe. I then chose to read, dance, play my guitar and chess, while I let my mind and soul do what they need to do without me needing to micromanage every minute of my existence–just like data programming; I have inputted the information needed from my part and now comes the data analysis, and this needs to be done first subconsciously–where my mind takes the information provided and compares it, checks it against the information stored at a cellular level. When that process is done, organically my mind and soul will tell me it is time to look at things consciously in order to create the best path possible for me.
As I am soothing my soul, I pulled a book given to me by someone I have been working with–I found the stories and poems in the book I was given, beautiful. I am reminded, that healing and love (whether romantic, professional, friendship, familial, etc.) is a give and take–sometimes when we feel strong and congruent, we help others….and there are times, those same people give back the same care, love and patience we offered.
Let me share a bit of it with you, and I hope you like it as much as I did…
The last novel in the book is called “The Last Poem”…. where the hero wants to marry a cultured and educated woman who is self sufficient and beautiful. The woman he falls in love with, is everything he imagined, but she has her demons; regardless he wants to be with her. He is reminded that all unique and beautiful things always have some damage or imperfection, but these imperfections only make them more beautiful to the right person.
The woman after hesitating agrees but on one condition. She has a big lake outside her palace – and the condition is: “I will give you another palace on the other side of the lake, miles away; you will not be able to see from one palace to the other. I will give you a boat, but we will live in separate houses and we will never demand to see each other” They would always let their encounters be based on pleasure (spiritual, psychological, physical) and the genuine desire to see each other. “You will be in the boat, I will be in the boat and suddenly we will meet on the lake. You may have gone for a walk in the morning, I may have gone for a walk in the morning and suddenly we meet under the trees, but without demands. In this way our relationship will remain forever young, forever fresh, forever a honeymoon, an ongoing honeymoon.”
The man couldn’t understand. He said, “What kind of marriage is this? Unless we live together, this is not a marriage.” At the end, they reached a compromise, they both expressed their needs and agreed to building love, making love into something beautiful and unforgettable…something precious which would serve as a path for expansion for each other’s souls.
The author is giving us the idea of a flowing relationship. It has nothing to do with the new age idea of “no commitment”, it is important to understand this, as too many people easily or readily confuse the concepts presented by the author–there is commitment, bond, exclusivity…all by raw choice. He is presenting not a mere dutiful relationship, but a bond based on choice and love. A love that goes on and on and never imposes but respects and meets each other’s needs–needs which are set clear from day one, so as to avoid power struggles. A love where one sees the beauty of another despite their wounds and so called baggage. A love which embraces both the light and darkness.
“Unless you are far you cannot be near”….is a concept few understand and most use to mean one has to have zero attachments, yet that is not what the saying was trying to convey. It was never about cutting ourselves from our vulnerabilities in order to be more palatable. It was never about playing mind games in order to seem unattainable; for any game can become tiring. The saying was referring to the polarities of life, and how we can work with them. If one always stays away, love will die. If one always stays too close, love will die. Love can only survive in a relationship that flows continuously…being there and not being there–being together yet remaining individuals–no chains but rawness of spirit; knowing and understanding each other enough to know when to be there, and when to give space. When to hold on with totality and passion and when to let the other simply surprise you.
Tantra understands this duality as the friction that generates life: positive-negative, light-darkness, man-woman, energy-matter, sex-spirit, etc. When this duality ceases to be a conflicting friction but is accepted and work with by choice, when we accept each other as we are yet love openly and passionately, it is then we integrate our own duality….and like the person who gifted me the book wrote “life can become a joyful dance, a celebration, if only you are willing to accept that you are worthy of the love you give, despite your wounds. Essence is reflected in the results not the steps taken along the road. And just like you wrote on your own book Sofia: Don’t ever forget your essence, for to some, it is beautiful just the way it is”
Reading the stories within the book has been enjoyable. It reminded me in some ways of the book I recently published “Reflections of a Mad Butterfly”.… Simple stories of life, love, pain, joy….raw yet beautiful. Stories which showcase the imperfect perfect beauty of the human spirit.
My wish for you today: If you feel less than, don’t. If you made mistakes let them go. If you are hurting, know you have every right to hurt and then to stand without shame for being human and experiencing hurt. My wish is to look at what came before now, good and bad….embrace the joyful memories. And to those memories that still want to take hold of you through self punishment, trying to cage you within one box or another simply say “I am who I choose to be. I am me, and I am worthy even when I don’t feel it. I am worthy even when I choose to hide from the world in order to lick my wounds. I am worthy, even when I choose to take action. I am worthy because I am pure stardust, as such, I have the power to do epic cosmic shit”
Falcone Counseling Services 