In our day an age, with the rise of the so-called New Feminism group– a group, which is very different than its origin, for Feminists never sought to belittle, castrate nor punish the opposite sex, as they recognized the beauty and power each gender holds and how they complement each other perfectly–more and more we see women misunderstanding and killing their own feminine power.
These extreme ideas of what it is to be a woman are not helping the power of femininity expand, but rather are extinguishing it; for divine feminine power is a much denser energy which needs specific and gentler ways of moving it. As such, we find women often divided on the subject of sexuality; there are those who to this day believe virtuosity means the castration of their own desires and who blame sexuality and sensuality for every evil in the world, and there are those who think owning their sexuality means exploiting their own bodies, believing that by doing so, they are being free. In between, we find mostly women confused of which path to choose.
What if the answer can be found in something so simple as balance. We can own our sexuality and sensuality and enjoy it to its fullest, without inhibitions. At the same time, we recognize that our bodies are powerful centers for creative energy; energy that can help us heal or destroy.
When we abuse sexual energy or when we repress it, the result will be the same…. destruction of the real self and our creative powers. As such, it is very important to recognize the beauty and worth (past puritan attitudes) of our bodies. We need to leave behind false labels and stigmas, for example: the fact that a woman owns her sexuality and sensuality, embraces the beauty and power of her body, doesn’t mean she is accessible to everyone who wants it; for she knows the pleasures sexuality and sensuality bring are for her to enjoy, not to be use as a petty tool of superficial connection. Likewise, just because a woman mentally castrates her sexuality and acts according to what she thinks is expected based on old stigmas or dogmas, doesn’t mean she is virtuous or any more worthy, nor are they usually happy–a natural result from not owning their lives but living for the external–hoping the world assigns them a particular value.
Regardless, no matter what side, most women grow up inheriting a sort of collective cellular shame–something which is still alive in our collective consciousness, and which most of us picked no matter how we were raised. As such, to own our sexuality will require determination, growth, mental maturity and the removing of old mental blocks.
Before we start, please take a moment to put aside attitudes, ideas or beliefs which fall prey to either extreme, and simply know this is being written for women in hope to reconciliate within their minds the realm of the spirit and the pleasure of divine sexuality/sensuality. Women, you are more than you give yourself credit for, not because the world says so, but because you are pure raw energy. Women, you have the ability to use your creative sexual power to shape your life, your world and that of your loved ones in a way that truly liberates yet sanctifies you…. which really means, wild yet sacred!
Tantra teaches us to use all the energies at our disposal for spiritual evolution. The body then becomes sacred, a vehicle with enough power to drive transformation in the deeper layers of our being, all the way to our very soul. In this perspective, the body becomes a temple, and the genitals are nothing less than a sacred altar. Tantrics have always valued feminine sexual energy: not just accepted but adored it! In tantra, it is seen as a potent manifestation of Shakti, the universal divine life force that underlies all of creation.
In the female body, the divine energy of the universe is not just an abstract concept but a tangible presence. This body, in all its strangeness and grace, truly is a divine and powerful.
Tantric art, both Hindu and Buddhist, is full of images of the female body in its full glory; luscious figures with full breasts, voluptuous hips and wild hair. These aren’t pin-up’s (some of the goddesses are quite frightening!) but a recognition of the sacred power of female sexuality.
The same power and mystery that intimidates some is an incredible gift for an authentic and brave-hearted seeker after the Truth. A pure yet intense female orgasm is wild, it is a formidable force of nature, terrifyingly divine; as such, a woman who is in connection with her own sexual potential (enjoying it to its fullest while respecting its power), is likewise a force to be reckoned with. Sexual tantra is then a path to the Divine that doesn’t color within the lines, doesn’t run alongside the boundaries of conventional society but blows past all limitations.
In yogic terms, women generally are much stronger in the lower chakras related to vitality and sexuality. We need this extra energy to create new life inside our bodies. When a woman is fully open in her sexuality, it’s the man who has to work to keep up with her–in fact, the main development for a tantric man is to learn to have a non-ejaculative, implosive orgasm that takes a shape similar to a female orgasm.
Male and female sexual energy do take different forms; male energy is quick, fiery and explosive. Female energy is denser and heavier. It takes longer to get it moving, but once it does watch out…. think the difference between a stick of dynamite and a freight train.
Many women find themselves wanting more from sexuality. They want more sex, but sex that leaves them wanting to repeat, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There’s a reason why history-imposed shame on women, and why porn and the superficial seek to twist what it is to be an empowered female who owns and deeply enjoys her sexuality– that reason is the fact that female sexuality is incredibly powerful, fully capable of disrupting the rigid structures and hierarchies of old patriarchal societies. We need to grow from shame to pure bliss, some ways to start doing that are:
- Build on your Self Love and Self Esteem. Do not confuse mental rigidness and false sense of prudency with self-confidence or self-love, in the same way one cannot confuse the external, depending on tricks and makeup to build one’s confidence. Confidence and self-love will require that you choose to look at your light and darkness and start working from the inside while maintaining your outside. Do it for you, not to impress others, and do not fall prey to whatever exterior concepts of beauty are there–you will know what is good for you, when you feel truly comfortable…no need to follow any particular beauty guideline.
- Love Your Yoni. It all starts with the yoni. If you feel shame around your sexual energy, you probably aren’t comfortable with your vagina either. Spend some time getting to know your yoni, how it works, what it can do for you and learn to love it. When you value this most intimate part of your body, you’ll be able to adore yourself exactly as you are.
- Be honest in relationships. If you’re in a relationship with a mismatched sex drive, just be open and talk about it. The problem in these situations comes when there’s a lack of communication: one partner ends up feeling like their needs aren’t being met while the other feels pressured and resentful.
It’s important to be sensitive around this topic, you don’t want to make your partner feel insecure or insufficient. Keeping things quiet doesn’t work either and shows a lack of respect and love–you can bring out the subject with gentleness and understanding towards the sexual differences, this will take the edge off of any insecurity. There are lots of solutions for couples with different levels of sexual energy, ranging from work on vitality, to spicing things up, to consciously choosing a path for your relationship that matches both of you and not what is expected of you. But all starts with mental and spiritual connection and honesty.
- Practice Tantra: As already mentioned, the tantric teachings are refreshingly welcoming of sexuality and female sexuality in particular. Learning Tantra can bring a deep shift in perspective, so you see your strong sexuality as a sacred gift. In tantric yoga, you will also learn to sublimate your sexual energy: move it to the higher chakras where it becomes refined spiritual energy.
- Orgasmic Life: If you’re interested in exploring your femininity and sexuality, you are welcome to meet with a sexologist or a professional Tantric Counselor to learn to connect with your yoni, to heal and release blockages and unleash the incredible orgasmic potential lying dormant within you.
Since this is just an article, I cannot dive too deep into the steps of how to connect with your yon, but I will endeavor to give you a few steps that may be of help….
In the tantric tradition, there is a whole ritual of “transfiguration” with the vagina, viewing this part of the body as something cosmic. The very act of transfiguring; which starts by setting the intention; and Tantric counseling, opens a portal to universal dimensions and raises energy to the throat chakra–for women, a very important chakra to start owning your sexuality, for it means you find your voice.
In old times, Tantric practice followed a ritual dedicated to the yoni–our mind understands symbolism more than anything else. As such, rituals hold power not because of the ritual, but because of what they represent to our subconscious. During the yoni ritual, it was natural to offer flowers, honey, milk, clarified butter, incense, mantras and chants to the yoni. This could be performed in a ritualistic way towards a symbolic object representing the yoni, be it a statue or a yoni-shaped mandala made from flower petals, etc.
However, personally I like to focus on the power of the female and not run the chance of having a woman fall prey to believing her inner sexual confidence is external; as such, I prefer the offerings to be done directly to a woman’s body.
What I suggest is a nice warm bath, there you can pour two cups of quality milk, then add honey, salts, a couple of spoons of baking soda and some rose and jasmine essential oils. Have some candles and some gentle incense. Then submerge yourself in it, let it welcome not just your aching body but your soul. Let the chemistry of the elements align your energy centers and soothe your mind…enter that bath like the queen you are…you are worthy, you are powerful, and you are deserving of constructive yet relaxing luxury time.
However, before you get to that step, I would like to suggest doing the following first, whether alone or with your partner. What I am suggesting is necessary first, for what you want is to unify your mind, body and soul….one without the others, is not enough….
If you are alone, you can sit with your legs open in front of a mirror naked; remain in contemplation of what you see in the mirror. Accept what you see–you need to do this with love, so no judging your body but rather appreciate every little thing, for you are beautiful. If you are in a couple relationship with a loving, open minded, mentally mature and accepting partner, sit with your legs open in front of your partner who will be engrossed in the wonderful vision in front of their eyes. Gather a moment inside yourself. Rest in your heart, center yourself…. now let the ritual begin:
- Observe the yoni as if your eyes were a projection of your heart, let yourself be absorbed by that vision. Replay all the things your yoni has enjoyed and things which it may have had to accept. If you have children imagine the beauty of bringing life to this world but also of the tremendous physical trauma your body had to endure; as you replay these, mentally shower your Yonni with love and show it respect–after all, if it weren’t for a yoni, you would not be here. In this ritual, you are honoring the woman sitting there and also this very important part of your body–a part that is so powerful, and in many ways, mystical.
- In the second part of the ritual, expand your vision beyond the woman sitting there. You are honoring all the women in the world, despite their beliefs– go even further and honor the femininity that exists; the primordial divine principle of life, which is very much alive, very much sacred, sensual, sexual….it is you. Try to see the incarnation of the cosmic feminine, the expression of the Divine Mother. See the yoni as a symbol of something larger, a universal womb or portal that gives birth to the universe. Cultivates the attitude of transfiguration as long as you feel like it, letting yourself be permeated by a sense of depth and sacredness.
- As a last part of the ritual, you can imagine offering the yoni a gift, or actually do–if alone, you can gently put a light good quality oil or a hypoallergenic lotion or lube and gently caress your vulva, your labia…your whole yoni. The goal is not masturbation or arousal...the goal is LOVE. Remember that intention is everything in tantric rituals, as such focusing on pure love will naturally bring inner transformation to your sexuality…which will naturally charge itself with a special potent yet liberating energy–turning you into a Khali woman. A Khali woman is the woman who has found her voice, embraces her uniqueness, unifies mind body and soul, light and darkness, and knows how to move the sexual energy up her spine, bringing pleasure and healing not just to her body but also to her partner (s). To be with a Khali woman is an unforgettable experience. A Khali woman isn’t a play bunny or girls gone wild type of woman…. she is woman, not girl–she is Goddess, and when we approach our sexuality from that perspective, the outcome is quite different…it is ecstasy.
- Conclude the ritual by joining your hands in prayer in front of your heart, gently in gratitude to life.
At the end of the ritual, you may feel a very strong echo in your being, energetically and in your mind: a sense of depth, savoring the mysteries of the universe. You can decide to meditate if this is your practice, or you can feel the desire to make love….and I assure you that after the ritual, it can be very, very special.