Tantra Isn’t Just Sex

Many times, after I write a piece on Tantra, I tend to receive many emails asking questions on the subject; although I am pleased for the interest and curiosity, most of the questions seem to be focused only on sexual technique. Because I am a Tantric and not just happen to like Tantra or just call myself one, I have the utmost respect for its practices; practices which took me years to learn and to incorporate in my life. Tantra is not just sex, in fact sexual Tantra is only a small part of this ancient tradition, called the way of the left hand (in Sanskrit, Vama Marga).

Sexuality is a part of human biology, unless you are a person who has chosen to be celibate (even this practice has to have the right motivation, and be practiced in the right way, otherwise it only leads to stagnant energy which causes mental and physical disorders, and it can generate depression or bitterness) good sexuality is necessary to have health, harmonious relationships, satisfaction and can even help us evolve as conscious human beings.

In reality, growing up, no one wants to teach us about the beauty of sexuality, in an open, non dogmatic, non rigid yet still sacred way. We are often not taught about intimacy and how to develop it. In schools the only sexual education young people receive is hygienic, absolutely nothing about sexual behavior from an energetic, pleasurable, psychological and spiritual aspect (spiritual not religious).  In addition, despite believing ourselves to be “modern”, parents have a hard time educating their children in this regard; not surprise there, as they themselves were never taught sexuality, and were left to assume that basic intercourse and brief orgasm is all sexuality is about. In the end young people run to pornography, a place where sexuality is not only demeaning but also false in how it is carried. There is nothing wrong with showing people making love, but that is not the case for pornography, for love has nothing to do with it but basic animal instinct led by people who have no idea how to connect nor properly use their bodies, but instead abuse their bodies; they rely on the ignorance of the person who is watching.

People have asked me what is the difference between educational Tantric videos and Pornography, to be blunt, to compare the two is like trying to compare a cheap beer with a bottle of Chateau Margaux 1787. Pornography’s sexuality treats people like basic animals, and because their interactions only last but a few minutes; if that; it only causes damage to the neurons, which eventually will need more stimulation to achieve a release. This is why people become addicted, they are not addicted to porn per se, they are addicted to the high level of dopamine release in a short period of time. However, over time the brain will need higher an higher stimulation, this explains why most people who start with “soft” porn, end up using “hardcore” porn or worst. As such, silently but quickly, it starts to create many health problems; specially because people who often watch it, do so to escape life; which means, they relinquish control–it is not them in control, therefore they find it hard to give it up.

Pornography creates many health problems: premature ejaculation, impotence, addiction, anxiety, depression, sexual abuse, and the list goes on. Tantric books or videos are educational and there are not many that explain and teach what Tantra actually is–alignment of mind, body and soul. The porn industry seems to now be using the word Tantra to simply make what they do more palatable. Tantra cannot be taught in a 5 -10 minute video yet because we live in a society were people want instant results, instant gratification, they do not care if something that isn’t Tantra but promises results fast is being presented to them.

The best thing that happened to me was to be raised by grandparents who were open and knowledgeable in the spiritual realm, philosophy and the ancient arts which include sacred sexuality. The second best thing was to be found by Tantra. In my opinion, this ancestral wisdom and its Sacred Sexuality is a gift to humanity. Tantra offers us a new way of living our sexuality. It helps us to educate ourselves in all the senses and therefore teaches us how to take care of our spirit, body, mind, energy; showing us how to evolve; if that were not enough, it teaches us how to make love physically and to enjoy it as we have never before.

Tantra is very different from simply learning some sexual techniques or watching pornography and Tantra is very different from conventional sex, so the results are also different. Let’s make a comparison conventional sex versus Tantric Sex….

Conventional Sex

Constant fast friction
Unconscious
The goal: empty orgasm.
Mental, fantasies, absence of self
Animalistic yet without passion or connection
Without ejaculatory control
Routine arousal, always the same
Conventional
Can be done without love, connection or romanticism
Desire to control
For most women they only get to experience a clitoral orgasm
Men’s orgasm last but a few seconds and is mediocre
Over time, men lack libido
Don’t know what kundalini is or how to use it.
Is not personal as such it can destroy those involved
One sees the other as an object for pleasure rather than a fountain of love, life and desires.
Anxiety, trying to play a role to prove one is a good lover; know nothing about abandon while being intimate.
Don’t know how to breathe and are in a hurry to finish
Tiredness, lost of good energy
Fears and insecurities rise over whether or not one is doing it right
Loss of nutrients
Mechanical even when they think is spontaneous
Attempting positions without knowing one’s body or that of the partner, faking orgasms to convince each other they are having a good time and pretend they are good at it.
Disconnection
Ignorance
Unhappiness
You continue with your traumas

Tantric Sexuality

Knowledge of self, no delusion of one being a saint or sinner.

It is very important to know how to be still and in the moment
Slow tempos, which makes one last longer. It can be intense yet loving and unifying.
One is conscious of pleasure
Without goal, without expectations…its about enjoyment
Transcendental
Ejaculatory control

Physical and mental relaxation

Discovery of new unknown sensations
Full-body orgasms, cosmic…
Improves relationships and acceptance of one as is
Love is all, universal love, compassionate yet also builds the warrior
Detachment
Deep and ecstatic vaginal orgasms

Orgasms without ejaculation of various types
Good libido
Awakening of kundalini energy

Evolution, expansion of consciousness
You create more love
You see the divine in the other
Meditation
Your whole body vibrates

Devotion
Pranayama
Rather than being caught in wanting to end to achieve orgasm, with Tantric Sexuality, you don’t want it to end.
Provides constructive energy
Body Awareness
You Feel free
Flow Full of Nutrients and Hormones
Ritualistic, Intuitive, Magickal
Sacred, authentic, free, uninhibited

Connection
Wisdom

Sexual and Psychological Healing

As you look at the above, you can see the differences between the two types of sexuality. It is no wonder then, why those who are Tantrics or who practice Tantra, have the utmost respect for sexuality while freely enjoying it with other conscious lovers.

Of course I have just generalized the reasons that lead to sexual frustrations and empty sex; however, there are those who may suffer in their sexuality due to unhealed traumas, past abuse or events that occurred in their family tree. With that said, Tantra aims to heal those traumas; it is a matter of education and conscience.

The fault to not having experienced an intense beautiful connecting sexuality isn’t yours or your partner’s, nor is it because you have not yet found that “better half”–for that does not really exist. Everything is inside us, the solution too; your sexuality maybe empty because you are running from self, running from your shadow, which means you are living within the mask, as such your sexuality may reflect the superficiality you find yourself in.

On the other hand, it is wonderful to see the transformations that occur in people who practice Tantra, even without being spiritual. Something changes and transformation happens. It’s just learning to love consciously. By integrating sexuality into their lives these people begin to shine, to be more connected to their body and to their partner (s). They create connections of more vulnerability, heart, awareness and of course, more pleasure. Relationships where there is nothing to pretend or hide but rather to let shine the light we have inside.

The deepest goal of Tantra is spiritual, it is personal growth, human evolution. Without being a therapy per se, Tantra is therapeutic because it is very deep. Tantra called left hand, tells us that we can take advantage of the circumstances of the world around us; which according to the Hindu tradition in the background everything is nothing more than an illusion (Maya); to evolve.

To be spiritual you do not need to give up sex, you can use it as an evolutionary tool that will fill your life in all aspects. This is why, more and more, Tantra is affecting the field of sexology, for Psychologists in this field are recognizing the power Tantra brings to one’s life; because it is based on connection…connecting you first to yourself as you enjoy all your facets, and then to others. It is healing not just mechanical. As you can see then, Tantra is not just about sex, it is a way of living….it is about unity while honoring your individuality. It is about expansion and communion with the divine, for sexuality is divine.